Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.
I did the no contact for around half a month after we broke up, I tried to focus on myself and improve myself during the period. After that, I started to contact him. He calls me and texts me when he has free time, and he admitted that he still loves me as he thinks I love him. He doesn’t want me to see other guys as he gets jealous. However, when I asked if he regrets making the decision to break up with me, he said he doesn’t. He said even if we’re back together again, the problem is still there…that we’re still in a long distance relationship, but he said he would like to see me again aside from all the future stuff he’s worried about. Is that just an excuse? I thought I’m able to re-attract him again, but I’m not sure if it’s possible to be together again before we meet each other again. Or is it even possible by using the method you provide? Please help…I really appreciate it. Thank you.

If I could give one big piece of advice it would be when a man pulls away, try not to take it personally. Believe me, I know this is way easier said than done. Everything is going great, you start to think this guy could be the one and then boom, he disappears for what seems to be no apparent reason. If you can relate to this, it probably isn’t your fault. Although it’s impossible to give an exact reason why he pulled away, most of the time it’s his own personal issue’s. If it’s really bugging you, there’s an… Read more »

Im dating a man who is being very consistent with his communication and we see each other every weekend. He is always making plans with me and he reaches out to me all the time. The only issue is that I’m having a hard time feeling like he desires me the way a man should desire a woman. We hang out, we talk, we have so much fun together, we have sex but it feels more like a friend I’m having sex with than a romantic partner. Im physically and romantically attracted to him but I can’t help but wonder if there is a physical attraction issue on his part. He doesn’t seem “into” me like I’m used to. I’m a pretty woman but I know I don’t have those super pretty girl looks so I don’t know. Nonetheless, he isn’t pulling away per se, he just isn’t romantically present. I don’t hear anything sweet or flirty or sexy from him. When I do it to him, he just says thank you and tells me how much he enjoys hearing me say stuff like that. We have a lot in common and we have a great intellectual connection. He’s told his mom, dad and friends about me. But I’m worried because I feel like he doesn’t feel strongly about me in romantic way, even though he spends time with me, talks to me all the time, and admits that he has the most fun with me. It makes me sad because we both talk about how we are happy to have met someone like each other but I can’t help but wonder if having all these things in common and both of us being capable of loving each other the way we always wished someone would is somehow STILL not enough. It makes me very sad.
my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 yrs. we had our ups and downs but one day things fell extremely out of place. I was at home when I received a call from his closest friend. I learned that my boyfriend was seen with another woman. I asked his friend to see what happens and a few minutes later I received a picture. I was completely shocked and broken. I knew that females were constantly on his social media I wondered if 4 years of being with me had been relevant to my boyfriend. I was hurt and asked his friend to keep an eye on him. The outings became frequent. I was fuming on the inside but I did not show it, nor did I ask him. I decided to confront my boyfriend about these events. I asked him if he felt like he should have told me. Out of my anger I told him he could go with the other woman. It took me a while to hear what he had wanted to say. My boyfriend worked part time as a waiter and so did the girl. I showed him the pictures and waited for an answer. He explained to me that they had gone out only to eat. I believed him but I didn’t quite understand why the outings were so frequent. He expressed his feeling of not telling me sooner and making me jump to conclusions. They had gone out to grab lunch and he explained the girl knew he was in a relationship. After a few weeks, the girl had left the job to work in a different restaurant. I felt angry at myself for yelling and misunderstanding him. He had apologized for not telling me sooner and creating a big problem. We have now established rules for our relationship. We had to communicate with each other and if an even had occurred whatever it may be, we will always talk about it. Communication and forgiveness is key. Know your partner. Me and my boyfriend have since grown closer. He and his friend do not talk as much, that loss has made me and him realize that a relationship is truly meant for 2 and their can never be a third person. To everyone who is in or was in a situation like ours I hope our experience has helped you grow near. Communicate always and be happy!

Hi Lauren, I've been wrestling with this with family and friends and thought maybe someone else online could help.Here's my situation. I have known my fiance for over a year, we met online and have visited each other many times. I've flown over to ireland three to four times for weeks at a time and she had visited the US for six weeks to try it out in february and for the fiance visa for six weeks in July-Sept. We would talk everyday for four to five hours a night while we were apart. She is very close to her family and loves her country. She believes Ireland is the best thing since refried beans. My plan was for her to Move to the US and we could live there while she could visit ireland for two to three months every year with the future kids for summer and christmas and then we'd move to ireland for good when I retired since I'm the bread winner and my specified job is in america (I'm a petroleum Engineer). However she back peddled and said she doesn't think what we had is strong enough to leave her family. So she came up with a five year plan. When she moved to the US for five years then we have to move back to ireland and find work there. I really loved her to i agreed to the promise. Well while she was over in the US for the fiance visa she started getting really homesick. A week or so before the wedding she said she realized why she had doubts about the marriage and that was that she loved me but wasn't "in love with me" and that I should treat her more like a lover instead of a friend. But to not worry about it and we can work on it. The next night she popped the question. "If i wanted to go back to ireland in a year will you go with me?" I said no. "what about after five years to raise our kids?" I sighed and just said no. She called off the wedding and cried alot. I should have said something other than no. Like, yes that's our plan. Or we'll do what's best for our fam...


I can see exactly where i have pushed when he’s clearly been pulling away, but i wonder if I’ve pushed too hard and now blown my chances , or if he just wasn’t that into me and didn’t want to let me down? It’s been 9 days since i replied to him and have decided to take this advice, give him some space and look into other options, i hope he will be back in touch, but im trying to be realistic about the fact it’s a bit of a lost cause.
All anyone really wants is to feel OK, and most of us don’t. When a woman worries and needs constant reassurance, it comes from feeling from “I am not OK” and the feeling beneath that is fear. What makes it so destructive is that it’s not an overwhelming, gripping fear; it’s a vague feeling of unease. It’s so quiet and subtle you may not even realize it’s there. You know how sometimes you’ll go to take a sip of water and you literally can’t stop chugging? You didn’t even realize you were thirsty, it’s only when you begin to quench the silent thirst that you realize how potent it was. That’s kind of what’s at play here.
my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 yrs. we had our ups and downs but one day things fell extremely out of place. I was at home when I received a call from his closest friend. I learned that my boyfriend was seen with another woman. I asked his friend to see what happens and a few minutes later I received a picture. I was completely shocked and broken. I knew that females were constantly on his social media I wondered if 4 years of being with me had been relevant to my boyfriend. I was hurt and asked his friend to keep an eye on him. The outings became frequent. I was fuming on the inside but I did not show it, nor did I ask him. I decided to confront my boyfriend about these events. I asked him if he felt like he should have told me. Out of my anger I told him he could go with the other woman. It took me a while to hear what he had wanted to say. My boyfriend worked part time as a waiter and so did the girl. I showed him the pictures and waited for an answer. He explained to me that they had gone out only to eat. I believed him but I didn’t quite understand why the outings were so frequent. He expressed his feeling of not telling me sooner and making me jump to conclusions. They had gone out to grab lunch and he explained the girl knew he was in a relationship. After a few weeks, the girl had left the job to work in a different restaurant. I felt angry at myself for yelling and misunderstanding him. He had apologized for not telling me sooner and creating a big problem. We have now established rules for our relationship. We had to communicate with each other and if an even had occurred whatever it may be, we will always talk about it. Communication and forgiveness is key. Know your partner. Me and my boyfriend have since grown closer. He and his friend do not talk as much, that loss has made me and him realize that a relationship is truly meant for 2 and their can never be a third person. To everyone who is in or was in a situation like ours I hope our experience has helped you grow near. Communicate always and be happy!
If you spend your efforts trying to pull him back, you’re going to push him away. Spend your efforts on things that you want to do. As a matter of fact, act is if you have better things to do than worry about him liking you. As long as you are focused on how to conform to his likes then you are putting him on a pedastal, and lowering your worth, which is the opposite of what you want to do.
So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.
Being friends with benefits makes it easy for him to get what he wants and often results in men pulling away. Maintaining a real friendship without an attachment of the desired outcome can give him the opportunity to see you in a different light when he is ready. It’s important to keep your options open and not focus all of your energy on one person if you know what I mean. 😉
If I could give one big piece of advice it would be when a man pulls away, try not to take it personally. Believe me, I know this is way easier said than done. Everything is going great, you start to think this guy could be the one and then boom, he disappears for what seems to be no apparent reason. If you can relate to this, it probably isn’t your fault. Although it’s impossible to give an exact reason why he pulled away, most of the time it’s his own personal issue’s. If it’s really bugging you, there’s an… Read more »
So what exactly should you do when he is off enjoying his freedom? Do the same thing! You need to have a life of your own too, so hang out with your friends, catch up on some reading, and just enjoy being you. You are a fabulous woman with a complete and fulfilling life all on your own. You do not need a man to complete you, so just roll with the punches and do not take it personally when your man needs a little space.

Some times I want to take this manly-man, guys-guy & shake him & say what the hell is wrong with you?!! (Many people want to do that for me right now.) but instead, I rush to tell him I love him & smother him with kind words & gushy love stuff. And he pulls away even further. Now, I am reminded of how in the beginning I gave this man his space & his time whenever I sensed he needed it, I had no control over it or him anyway, why fight it & push him farther away? I remember a day when he grabbed, pulled me close, kissed me, & thanked me for understanding & giving him his time. I would give anything for that moment to happen again, because it was real, & genuine. He was really happy at that moment & wanted me to know it.
Here is the thing. You want to focus on you not only because this is healthy which is the main reason and you're putting yourself first but by putting yourself first he will want you more. There is a deep desire for people to be with someone that puts themselves first. I would not only follow his lead. Make sure you are not too available in the process and really schedule time for you. Then take control back a little bit so you can eventually see where this is headed.
In these situations where there’s not enough connection and attraction right from the start, it usually means that we should let it go. Usually, when the relationship was based on sex and even convenience in the beginning – it’s a good sign that he’s pulling away forever. Why? Because men fall in love and commit to the woman that they see as their ‘one and only’, and not the ‘one of many’.
I did the no contact for around half a month after we broke up, I tried to focus on myself and improve myself during the period. After that, I started to contact him. He calls me and texts me when he has free time, and he admitted that he still loves me as he thinks I love him. He doesn’t want me to see other guys as he gets jealous. However, when I asked if he regrets making the decision to break up with me, he said he doesn’t. He said even if we’re back together again, the problem is still there…that we’re still in a long distance relationship, but he said he would like to see me again aside from all the future stuff he’s worried about. Is that just an excuse? I thought I’m able to re-attract him again, but I’m not sure if it’s possible to be together again before we meet each other again. Or is it even possible by using the method you provide? Please help…I really appreciate it. Thank you.
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Mine pulled away about 2 mths ago. He said he’d explain everything and apologized for being distant. I told him I’d be here when he’s ready and I love him. He responded well, with love. So far, though, no explanation has occurred…not a word. I know he’s in love with me ( by his words and actions), and I totally trust him. I’m just thinking that it’s been too long and fear is setting in. My experience has been such that when a guy pulls away for this long he doesn’t come back and that is what I’m afraid of.… Read more »
It was hidden for 6 months. Kevin, I have seen married couples keeps issues hidden for many many years. It is not about the time. As of now you know about the situations and it is not something to distress about. I need you to put in into your mind that your girlfriend has not cheated on you. Do not let issues as such break into your relationship. I have read your part and I have read hers. I have also see the list and I agree to it. Both of you will grow stronger and closer by using it. Love and cherish each other. You stated that it has been cleared out. I am very ecstatic to hear this. I ask you both, do not let anyone into your relationship. Do not assume anything. Always tell each other if something has happened. Make you bonds stronger and your walls higher. Your relationship has a very long way to go.
I was beside myself with shock. I was just dumped by my girlfriend, even though I thought things were going great. My initial instinct was to start promising change and control the situation. Although I hadn’t gone overboard by begging or texting repeatedly, I was really struggling and didn’t know what to do to get her back. I scoured the internet and after reading countless articles and websites, I came across Lee’s site and read a few articles. His advice and take on the getting your GF back seemed to make a lot of sense and I felt like I needed some objective help so that I don’t blow any chance that I may get. I’m so glad I booked that call with Lee! After a few sessions and by following Lee’s plan, she finally contacted me and wanted to meet. Lee’s advice on how to handle both NC, as well as how to interact with her in those first few meet ups was invaluable! I am happy to say we are back together and it’s never been better. The things I learned about female attraction from Lee I will continue to use in relationships to keep the spark alive and attraction high. The hard part was to trust the process, but Lee’s clear and genuine demeanor made it easier to do what I know needed to be done to get her back. I would highly recommend Lee’s services if you would like to get your ex back or simply improve the dynamic in your current relationship! -Marc
I`ve been in a 2 year and a half relationship with my boyfriend. He and i shared a very special connection, we went through so much together, like, for real… I got cancer after a few months we started dating, and he was still by my side, when i recovered we went on a two month trip around australia… We made so many things together, things that neither of us has ever done before with other people.
Try answering these questions: Do you miss your ex, or do you miss having a boyfriend or girlfriend? Did he or she make you feel better about yourself, more secure in the world, and happier? Do you imagine yourself with this person in the long-term, even when the excitement of being in love has worn off and you are stuck in the daily routines of life? If you are only missing the security of having someone and the excitement of a dramatic relationship, you can find those things with someone else in a healthier, more stable relationship.
First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.
Español: recuperar a tu ex novio, Português: Reconquistar o seu Ex Namorado, Français: récupérer son ex petit‐ami, Italiano: Riconquistare un Ex, Deutsch: Den Exfreund zurückbekommen, Русский: вернуть бывшего парня, 中文: 让你的前男友回来, Bahasa Indonesia: Mendapatkan Kembali Mantan Pacar Anda, Nederlands: Je ex vriendje weer terugkrijgen, العربية: استعادة حبيبك السابق, हिन्दी: अपने एक्स बॉयफ़्रेंड को वापस पाएँ, ไทย: กลับไปคืนดีกับแฟนหนุ่มคนเก่าของคุณ, Tiếng Việt: Khiến bạn trai cũ quay lại với bạn, 한국어: 헤어진 남자친구, 다시 잡는 법, 日本語: 元彼氏を取り戻す
After a breakup, your ex will have one essential need: space. I know that I often repeat this fact, but I always receive numerous testimonies (feel free to leave your comment as well at the end of this article) in which my readers state that they realized that they were way too present with their ex, and that it was detrimental to their chances of getting back together.
It’s that most of the time the one who cares the most in this situation somehow always turns out to be the villain, the one blamed, and the one getting hurt. When a guy pulls away women tend to make the horrible mistake of closing in and putting pressure on the situation, only to have him pull further away because of it. It seems the more you care and try to fix the relationship the more he distances himself from you.

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Months after we got together I moved in with him and ever since things a very slowly been going down hill. Our sex life is horrible we barely even do it and here lately I’ve been thinking about calling it quits. He has many issues that he never deals with and when it comes to our problems he never wants to talk about anything. I have been trying so hard to make things work and I just don’t have it in me anymore I’m putting 100% into this relationship and it feels like hes only giving 50.
Allow me to jump in because I have had a great deal of experience with this scenario. I’m a grandmother, a beautiful grandmother and I’m totally head over hills for the man I’m dating. We live in separate states which at first caused great concern. I even broke it off completely. I sensed that the issue was mine – not his – so I jumped right in with both feet to find out what was the “deeper” issue. Come to find out, I had an issue from childhood – anxious attachment – which stems from my mother (I won’t go into all the details here). Needless to say, I had never dealt with this anxious attachment (Google it), and it was surfacing from his pulling away. Once God healed me of this syndrome, I have never had any problem with his, what we call, pulling away. I need my space – he needs his space. I’m so glad this was resolved. Six months later, he sent me a text and we are back together again – probably forever! But, if not, I can move on and wish him the best!
Some times I want to take this manly-man, guys-guy & shake him & say what the hell is wrong with you?!! (Many people want to do that for me right now.) but instead, I rush to tell him I love him & smother him with kind words & gushy love stuff. And he pulls away even further. Now, I am reminded of how in the beginning I gave this man his space & his time whenever I sensed he needed it, I had no control over it or him anyway, why fight it & push him farther away? I remember a day when he grabbed, pulled me close, kissed me, & thanked me for understanding & giving him his time. I would give anything for that moment to happen again, because it was real, & genuine. He was really happy at that moment & wanted me to know it.
8 months now, we normally live together but he’s away sometimes to take care of the kids for like a week every month which no problem for me. He agreed that moving back to that location is good for the kids education but for her he’s not sure. However, my concern is that he now has to be away to that new location that his ex and kids will move to (it’s also his hometown), to help on finding the apartment and prepare for schooling.
Then we were completely out of each other’s lives. I stopped thinking about her entirely—save for those random moments I’d spot short brunettes reading on library stairs. I spent the next four years dating other people, with some hits and many misses. One woman stole a couple hundred dollars out of my checking account and got engaged to another guy while we were living together.
Hey I’ve been with my ex for 4 months on July 7th and on July 16th he broke up with me and I don’t fully understand why he said the relationship was toxic but I felt otherwise because he broke up with me July 5th we got back together July 7th on our 4 months being together. I thought it was officially over on the 7th until he came back and said we was going to work things out and take it slow. So everything is going smooth and then it’s Monday July 16th,2018 he called me and he wants to come over. So he asked can I make him some pancakes before he got here. So I got up to ,ale the pancakes but long story short the time he got here the pancakes wasn’t made so we argued a little bit he went to the store he took a while but he came back I was in a good mood that day. He was being very distant towards me he started to bring up the pancakes and me not giving him a kiss but I had lipstick on and I know he doesn’t likes that. So long story short he started an argument and then left and I do admit I kept texting him after the break up I was so hurt and confused.. I would let time and days past before I wrote him again. I understand we had some drama in our relationship with others getting involved with it but I feel if we give things a second chance and keep people out of relationship this time and just focus on us we’ll have a better outcome. His birthday is coming up September 20th it makes me sad I had so much planned for his birthday. I wanted to make him feel so special on his birthday. A few family members reached out to him and he’s so cold now I wonder if he’s hiding behind emotions or just doesn’t love me anymore. He’s a Virgo so he’s a pretty complicated person. I love him so much he’s my best friend within the time we spent together we was together everyday almost and I have strong feelings for him and I don’t want to be with nobody else but him. Even if we don’t get back together I would like to at least get some understanding of what happened but the goal is for us to get back together. So is there any hope for us to give our relationship a second try.
Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

Apologize. Think deeply about anything you did or didn't do that somehow contributed to the downfall of the relationship, and clean the slate by giving your ex a proper apology. Take full responsibility for the offense, without blaming your ex, giving excuses, or expecting an apology (or even forgiveness) in return. It may very well be that your ex contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for someone else; you can only apologize for yourself. Leave him or her out of it and odds are the apology will be reciprocated.
I love this article, I am definitely going to follow your advice. My only concern is that my ex might’ve done the 4wk no contact along with every thing else to me already. He now texts me everyday and he recently told me that he loves me and he misses me but hasn’t said he wants to get back together and he is talking to another girl. Should I still do this?
These men who pull away have an avoidant attachment style. Read ‘Attached’ by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller and ‘avoidant, bad boyfriends’ by Jeb Kinnison. After reading these I realised that I’d been unhappily married for over twenty years to an avoidant man. I’ve since met someone with a secure attachment style and the difference is night and day. Unfortunately most secure men pair off youngish so the dating pool is disproportionately full of avoidant men. DO NOT MARRY one you will be miserable.
You know something is wrong if you are always crying or feeling bad about what has happened and you can quite get over it.  You also know it can be frustrating when you can seem to figure out what to text or what to say to your ex bf.  Well, the solution is you can join my Private Facebook Support Group and/or pick up your copy of the Texting Bible and get the emotional support and answers your need.
Lauren, I believe your advice about giving the ex space is on point and I wish I had given mine a lot of space. I broke up with a man who suddenly dumped me with a phone message when he knew I was not home. Friends of ours told me to give him space, and I did not; big mistake on my part. He is with a woman he and his parents know, she is old enough to be his mother. He sometimes chats when he sees me in the area. I began to feel like I'm sitting on the back burner and decided to just greet him and not chat unless he wants to chat. A good male friend told me to give him six months, it has been three months, so I'll see what develops....
Now you say she told you she had said certain things out of anger. Let us take a psychological view. When angry, individuals say things that they do not mean. It is our tendency to lash out during our worst moments. Your situation is not very different then of the last couple I have seen. Ms. Kelsey M, one of the ladies who posted on this page saw pictures of her boyfriend with another woman. She too out of anger said a few words to him. What we see is not always the truth. If someone else is capable of making her happier then why should she stay with you? The reason behind this question is what many couples fail to realize. Your partner loves you regardless the situation. If she wanted to leave you she would not have pushed the boy off when he kissed her. You must deeply understand this. I refer to the list your girlfriend made to show you that no woman would willingly follow it unless she truly wants you. An action like hers is validity to you that she is with you through everything and she has no idea of leaving you.
Now, before I get started with what to text your ex, I’m going to first teach you what NOT to do, so you know, right off the bat, what you absolutely SHOULD NOT do if you want to get your ex back through texting. And let me tell you, after coaching people for 10 years, I can say that the vast majority of people DO commit these huge texting errors… and theses mistakes can sometimes decimate any chance of rekindling a relationship with an ex.
Not using the right word could prove to be dangerous in a short message. This can be misinterpreted especially if your ex resents you or if you were harassing them during the breakup. Each of your words have to be well thought out; just like as if you were writing a letter. Text messages aren’t always clear; whether you text ex back or they text you! 
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