HW (Helen), I'm so happy to hear those books and resources were helpful to you in a difficult time. I'd have to know more about the relationship to give you a more confident answer but if you feel like there was a big enough bond between you in the first place, then you could always try sending this letter. Worst case scenario, he doesn't respond and you've got a clear answer so that you can move on. Hope this helped!
Natalie, I have just seen your text, I am not sure how it went since December but the best to do in this case (always), I know that it`s really hard, because you can`t focus on something else but him. You have to disappear, so he will release you are not taken for granted to him. Men can say anything but they get crazy about when the women is doing the same thing or even worst :). He has too feel that he missing you, and beside that focus on your own life and on yourself, the happiness should come from yourself and not from him or any other person. Just step back and see what happens, he will be eager to be the same as before believe me ;) and success!
Another frequent error is wanting to talk constantly about the past in your messages. You have to stop focusing on your nostalgia and on what you’ve experienced together. You ex needs something else. It’s of course tempting to send a little message saying, “I miss you,” “I love you,” or “My feelings for you are still strong.” Truth be told, during this stage these types of things can damage your odds of success so refrain from sending them.
Getting back together with an ex via text messages is too uncertain and results are far from guaranteed. There are definitely other unconventional methods of getting back together with your significant other that work much better! The most important thing is to not go about reaching your goal without having properly planned it. This is why I highly recommend that you read our eBook that can be found here.
Apologize. Think deeply about anything you did or didn't do that somehow contributed to the downfall of the relationship, and clean the slate by giving your ex a proper apology. Take full responsibility for the offense, without blaming your ex, giving excuses, or expecting an apology (or even forgiveness) in return. It may very well be that your ex contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for someone else; you can only apologize for yourself. Leave him or her out of it and odds are the apology will be reciprocated.

So it’s been a couple months since the last time I wrote on here. The good news is that I’m succeeding with becoming the Ungettable Girl and… well my friend Linda (who is also friends with my ex) gave my ex my phone number (he never had it before as we were just long distance friends) last month without telling me and he texted me around midnight “hey. This is *Paul”
There was no “trick” to getting Mary back for good. Going through a tragedy had changed me. It was terrible, but it helped me grow the hell up, and by the time Mary and I crossed paths again, I was ready to be the kind of person who texts back and keeps plans and buys presents for no apparent reason. We don’t yell at each other in the street anymore, and that’s pretty cool.
Some statements in this article are right some are not really applicable in my situation. I have two potential lover in the future trying to get me but I haven’t decided which one because thet need to show me something first and of course I don’t give those things they want. Suddenly both of them were pulling away and not gave much attention as before, that time I waited and even no clue at all what have had happened. I tried not to put any assumption and put blame on myself, tried to relax and had fun with friends. Two months, then I just shoot the questions to both. I don’t care, if they’re not interested please don’t block my door. “You okay? Are you not interested in me anymore? You mad at me or something?”.. One got angry and said that I am the one who becomes distant and not talking to him, in fact I was just giving him space. We had argument and he left. The other guy said sorry, he didn’t give any reason, he just said sorry and but coming back more to me, giving more attention bigger and sweeter than before. He said he feels wanted by me, and now I know which one to choose. So the point is just speak up and see his reaction. Let it naturally, if you mad and become uncomfortable just say it. Plenty fishes in the sea, with patients you will know that he’s the one. A feeling without pressure or hideous love game. Goodluck!
Not using the right word could prove to be dangerous in a short message. This can be misinterpreted especially if your ex resents you or if you were harassing them during the breakup. Each of your words have to be well thought out; just like as if you were writing a letter. Text messages aren’t always clear; whether you text ex back or they text you!

Following this advice helped me save my relationship. At the start I the break up I was messaging him a lot and begging to get back together. I looked stupid. After reading this I tried the no contact rule and focused on bettering myself and finding distractions when I felt the urge to talk to him. Just pretending to move on helped me feel a lot better about myself. We were later forced to work together and I kept my head up ignored him the best I could besides work relations and showed him that I can move on. Shortly after that he broke down to me about missing me and doing anything to have me back.
I’m kind of having the same problem but I’ve given him like 3 months of space should I keep waiting I want to waste all my time waiting on him but I really really like him even lives in Canada and I live in FL we wanted to make it work and eventually move closer to where the other is but then after a very close father figure passed away he started distancing himself more and more we’ve known eachother for 3 almost 4 years :(

I broke up with my boyfriend around 1 month ago. We have been in a long distance as we come from different countries, and he’s currently on working holiday. We’ve been together for almost 9 months, including 4 months together in both Taiwan and New Zealand. We are both around 25. He said he doesn’t know what he wants, we’re in a long distance relationship, and even if he comes to Taiwan again, he will keep traveling, he will meet new people, thus he decided to break up with me as he felt he’s not ready for a long-term relationship, even if he cried and it was a hard decision for him as well. He said we could still be good friends even if at that time I didn’t think so.
My situation is a little different than most, we’ve been together for 5 years and he’s currently in the military now, he just ended things, with multiple reasoning but the last one was him saying he didn’t have time for a girlfriend nor did he want one. It’s been a week since we broke up and also a week of NC, I haven’t reached out, but is this going to work, is he really going to miss me even with us being so far away and his schedule being so hectic?? Please someone give me some advice…
Interpret your emotions. In the pain and confusion of a breakup, it can be easy to confuse your emotions, interpreting feelings of loneliness and hurt as evidence that you need your ex back in your life. In fact, almost everyone who experiences a breakup initially feels remorse for the lost relationship, coupled with feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness. Generally, the more serious the relationship was, the more severe these feelings tend to be; couples who are married or cohabiting tend to have the worst breakups, whereas those who were casually dating tend to have an easier time in the aftermath of a breakup.[1] But the severity of your feelings does not automatically mean that you should get back together with your ex.
It’s tough for someone to nail down to source of feeling not OK, but they unconsciously latch onto things that will get rid of this feeling, usually through reassurance or trying to make situations come about that they feel will make them happy and finally grant them relief. This inevitably impacts your vibe, you become a parasite of sorts and everyone you come into contact with is simply a means to an end.

I am going to warn you now.  You will be possessed by this intense desire to contact him.  If only you could talk to him, you think, you would just explain everything and all would be forgotten.  Well, it seldom works that way.  Chances are your efforts will be ignored which will just make you feel worse.  Or you will successfully reach your ex boyfriend and he and you will end up having a heated or disappointing conversation, leaving you feeling bad and rejected yet again.  It’s almost always a no win situation because neither one of you are well equipped right now to deal with your emotional states.  So just cool your heels and keep reading!

I remember when my husband and I moved in together, after about a month he pulled away for a bit. He wasn’t really rude about it but i think he just needed some space. I think he was just getting tired of me, like it was romance overload. I ended up burying myself in my own hobbies for a while and I think he ultimately appreciated me for giving him space. I think it’s hard in the moment but if the girl enjoys some time to pursue her own interests for a bit and waits for the man to resume… Read more »


Natalie, I have just seen your text, I am not sure how it went since December but the best to do in this case (always), I know that it`s really hard, because you can`t focus on something else but him. You have to disappear, so he will release you are not taken for granted to him. Men can say anything but they get crazy about when the women is doing the same thing or even worst :). He has too feel that he missing you, and beside that focus on your own life and on yourself, the happiness should come from yourself and not from him or any other person. Just step back and see what happens, he will be eager to be the same as before believe me ;) and success!

Starting last week, she began to stop texting me and she would not respond to any of my offers to speak over the phone. My first response to this was to let it go for a couple of days. Then, I wrote her a kind letter (not discussing our issues) and mailed it to her (trying something new to keep the relationship interesting). When she received the letter in the mail, she responded, saying she would send me a note back.

I waited until the next day and I replied “hey. What’s up?” But he never responded. The next day the SoCal fires started and I texted him a short “hope you and your kids are safe” again, I never got a reply and I haven’t texted him since figuring that if I’m patient, he will eventually reply. Did I break any protocols? I figured since I’ve been doing NC for a little over a year, it was safe to respond to him since he initiated the texting. Is he just playing with me? He didn’t have to text me when my friend gave him my phone number, so what is his logic? He is a grown man with teenage kids so it’s not like he is an immature guy, though he is acting like one with me.

No Contact Rule: How Long Should You Do It For? The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need To Know The Real Reasons Men Don’t Text Back: The Ultimate “Do’s and Don’ts” Guide To Texting Exactly How To Make Your Ex Miss You After A Breakup The Exact Reasons Why The No Contact Rule Works Every Time Why Men Pull Away: 3 Easy Ways To Stop A Man From Withdrawing

It’s that most of the time the one who cares the most in this situation somehow always turns out to be the villain, the one blamed, and the one getting hurt. When a guy pulls away women tend to make the horrible mistake of closing in and putting pressure on the situation, only to have him pull further away because of it. It seems the more you care and try to fix the relationship the more he distances himself from you.
Between one technique for getting back together and another, it’s hard to know which one is the most efficient. Should you try radio silence or the hand-written letter? Did the rendezvous that you had with your ex positively conclude your attempt at getting back together, or was it your work on fixing the issues that needed to be addressed what made things right again? Only the help of an experienced professional will help you figure out the best thing to do as quickly as possible.
Thanks for your comment. The only thing I would "call out" about this is when you say if they want you no matter the circumstances, you know it. The reason being is because he has proven it to you over time. He is not in a vulnerable state and also going through a lot. Typically a man under financial stress and job stress takes a significant toll on his ego and self-dignity. It's a different stress. Losing someone you welcome support because he had no control over it. Now, the other stuff he possibly did and is having a significant amount of guilt. What I would suggest is that you step back a bit and let him reach out when he is ready. I do believe checking in with him from time to time is good and not let your ego get the best of you. Be positive in your time and conversations with him right now. Do not input any additional stress and let things progress naturally. Show him that you will support him even if that's giving him some time to breathe. You will find out the answer. I would encourage you to also book a session with me here so I can give you exact tailored advice for your situation. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
That’s very sad. Don’t be afraid to date. Be selective but you deserve the attention and love you need. You’re both holding on to “company”. You are holding onto someone who isn’t thinking about your need to have a complete relationship. Once you settle for less you will always get less. If you value yourself and your time then the right man will too. I have a soft cat to hug. Try it.
1. Think patterns, not people. When thinking about relationship problems it’s easy to think in terms of people, specifically who is right, who is wrong, who is screwed up, and who is really screwed up. This isn’t usually helpful and only leads to a blame game. Instead of people, think patterns. A does something, this triggers B, who in turn triggers A, then B. Some patterns are beneficial and help us stay sane and stable, others are neutral habits, and some are deadly and capable of damage. 
Until recently , I contact him again hoping to win him back another time(for godsake I dunno why after all the scolding from him to me and disrespecting me).Thinking I have grow to be more confident.Sadly, I made the mistake again falling in the booty call. I regret so much. What should I do? I keep choosing him over and over again. Although he said he dont want my love .Yet I keep going back to him.
Schedule a girls night out with your friends. Leave your man home by himself. Give him a hug and kiss, and then say “see you later.” Make him miss you — and show him that you’re not in a codependent relationship with him — that you have a social life, too. If he wants space, then give him space, while have a fun time with your friends outside of your relationship. When a man pulls away after being in a LTR for a while, sometimes it means he feels trapped or suffocated or obligated to you, or that he’s losing his freedom or sense of self because you’re now “all coupling all the time.” Immersing himself in work is a way for him to pull away from this codependence and gain a sense of self and independence. If you’re really worried, do an evaluation of your relationship — are you getting too clingy, needy, or do you want to do things with him 24/7 … are you having a codependent relationship? Is that the reason why your guy is pulling away? Sometimes, the issue may not just be his, but also yours.
If you do happen to hear through the grapevine that your ex is seeing someone new, try not to jump to conclusions or let jealousy set in. By no means should you do anything to try to thwart a new relationship. Let your ex have some time to find out if you are really the one; you don't want to force a person to be with you who really wants to be with someone else.

I am engaged to a man that I love with all of my heart. He went through a very difficult phase in his life, that changed him totally. He flirted with my best friend and my sister, but denies it. I caught him watching pornography, and he did try to deny it, but eventually confessed. Then we moved to another city and started a business together, and I thought he will show me the love and affection that he used to, but he doesnt and because of this we always end up fighting. I am not blind for his faults, but I love him so much. I have been fighting for this relationship for over a year. When is it time to give up and just move on???


I can understand that he’s too young to be in a relationship and that he’s not ready. He also said he wanted to experience having sex with other girls on his “lads holiday”. I was the first girl he was properly involved with, first relationship, first girl he had sex with. On the other hand, I have experienced having sex with other boys before I was with him, this was also my first relationship.
Most of The Times the problem was you are driving away him.Most women doesnot know how men think and what makes them interested in you,and those who does not won’t share them either.I was also in a same stat of mind few years back.And my number one advise is that if you ended things for a reason then its better to not get back again.But if you think that was a mistake then you should understand a bit about what makes the men tick.The short answer is bad communication.Yes men a the worst communicators and there are studies that shows then spoke very few words per day than women.So the basic thing is you have to understand whats on his mind.They are embarassed to talk about their feelings.And that’s because admitting to this desire actually moves him farther away from the goal.Also you have to make them feel needed.Well its also a lot of other things too.I cannot explain them all in this comment.But in my blog journal i had written what i feel.May be they are just my ramblings but i found them true in most occasions.
I was beside myself with shock. I was just dumped by my girlfriend, even though I thought things were going great. My initial instinct was to start promising change and control the situation. Although I hadn’t gone overboard by begging or texting repeatedly, I was really struggling and didn’t know what to do to get her back. I scoured the internet and after reading countless articles and websites, I came across Lee’s site and read a few articles. His advice and take on the getting your GF back seemed to make a lot of sense and I felt like I needed some objective help so that I don’t blow any chance that I may get. I’m so glad I booked that call with Lee! After a few sessions and by following Lee’s plan, she finally contacted me and wanted to meet. Lee’s advice on how to handle both NC, as well as how to interact with her in those first few meet ups was invaluable! I am happy to say we are back together and it’s never been better. The things I learned about female attraction from Lee I will continue to use in relationships to keep the spark alive and attraction high. The hard part was to trust the process, but Lee’s clear and genuine demeanor made it easier to do what I know needed to be done to get her back. I would highly recommend Lee’s services if you would like to get your ex back or improve the dynamic in your current relationship!   -Marc

So many red flags! He seems abusive. For starters, he shouldn’t be calling you names and putting you down. And the fact that he dislikes your being independent and ought to be cleaning or cooking for him is so sexist, I can’t even… All this leads me to believe he will be physically and more emotionally abusive as time goes by. Run as far away as possible. I know it’s hard, but I don’t see your situation getting better. Stay safe.
my boyfriend of two yeRs and i are currently having some problems in our relationship. the first six months of this relationship we didnt see eachother and everybody around him doubted us. i started seeing him about once a week after that six month period. we were so happy back then. he had some self esteem issues at the time and i helped him get through all of that. in my childhood i never showed any emotion for anything really. i always bottled it up. so when i finally trusted my boyfriend i began to express i guess what was built up anger and hurt from my childood or something. basically i havent been the best girlfriemd even though he definitely deserved the best of me since he cared so much about me and always tried to comfort me. throughout this two year i guess you could say i found him at his worst and he progressively seen mine. we would fight over stupid things but when we were together everything was perfect. sometimes i would stonewall him because i didnt really know how else to deal with my emotions. recently he was talkig to some girl about our problems and i couldnt stand that. then and sunday he said hes been acting he doesnt want to hurt me and that he doesnt know if he really loves me anymore. he has stonwalled me for a while as well. as of sunday he wanted a no contact break and i literally barely made it through the first day. and i gave in and called him we only talked for ten minutes today is the second day and i still dont know what to do. i think our problems can fiixed but this no contact thing ends on friday or saturday and i honestly think he wants to leave me. i dont know what i will do if he leaves. i need some real relationship advice and dont rwally have anybody to go to. i would like to hear your opinion and also would like to know if you could suggest a person i could ask to be like a third party opinion for me i dont want to go to counsellig as i dont have the money for it. but is there like a relative or something i should go to that isnt going to be biased?
However, the mere desire to get back with them won’t be enough. You must use impactful methods and tools to be successful at reconciliation. Coming up with what to text your ex back is just one way to do it or one aspect of many techniques that can be available to you. There are other tools that are equally effective and which can complement methods that you may already be using.
The day after the breakup, I found Coach Lee’s videos, and immediately went into no contact. I watched the ones that pertained to my situation over and over again. It was the most difficult time for me. It took every ounce of my being not to reach out, to beg for another chance, or even an opportunity to talk. When the urges occurred, I would watch a video and get past the urge. I had good and bad days, but mostly bad. When starting no contact, I also took Coach Lee’s valuable advice of not using this mentally  as a weapon for getting her back, but a way of working on myself, and giving space and time to heal. I lost weight, dated other people, went out and did things that I liked, and created a life and identity for myself. A little under 2 months later, I received a text from her telling me how weird it had been not having me around, and that she missed me, and wanted to be friends. I then started watching Coach Lee’s great videos about when the ex reaches out and again, followed his advice to the tee. I was pretty much over her at that point and told her that I was not interested in friendship, but that we should meet and catch up. I was a new person. Looked and felt better, and had more confidence than ever, thanks to the teachings of Coach Lee. I am literally a new person. Anyway, we went out, had dinner, walked along the beach, and immediately regained what we had in the beginning. That was two months ago. I do not know what the future holds, but right now, things are incredible. I thank Coach Lee for not only walking me through the steps of getting my girlfriend back, but especially teaching me to look inward during this very difficult situation and make improvements on myself, and have fun. Coach Lee’s teachings were the main reason that I am in a great situation today. -Steve
However, the mere desire to get back with them won’t be enough. You must use impactful methods and tools to be successful at reconciliation. Coming up with what to text your ex back is just one way to do it or one aspect of many techniques that can be available to you. There are other tools that are equally effective and which can complement methods that you may already be using.

Erika, thank you for that. After a 13 year horrible marriage and another 2 year relationship, I felt broken. I am seeing a guy who has been through something similar. He has told me he has a hard time expressing feelings. Now, he is pulling a way a little. I feel depressed, as if I am not good enough. But your response, helps me to realize: Slow is good and he and I both need time. When we are together, things are fantastic. I will give it time and see what happens.
I was beside myself with shock. I was just dumped by my girlfriend, even though I thought things were going great. My initial instinct was to start promising change and control the situation. Although I hadn’t gone overboard by begging or texting repeatedly, I was really struggling and didn’t know what to do to get her back. I scoured the internet and after reading countless articles and websites, I came across Lee’s site and read a few articles. His advice and take on the getting your GF back seemed to make a lot of sense and I felt like I needed some objective help so that I don’t blow any chance that I may get. I’m so glad I booked that call with Lee! After a few sessions and by following Lee’s plan, she finally contacted me and wanted to meet. Lee’s advice on how to handle both NC, as well as how to interact with her in those first few meet ups was invaluable! I am happy to say we are back together and it’s never been better. The things I learned about female attraction from Lee I will continue to use in relationships to keep the spark alive and attraction high. The hard part was to trust the process, but Lee’s clear and genuine demeanor made it easier to do what I know needed to be done to get her back. I would highly recommend Lee’s services if you would like to get your ex back or simply improve the dynamic in your current relationship! -Marc
This is essentially the difference between a healthy relationship and a toxic relationship. A healthy relationship is one where two people feel fulfilled by their individual lives and let that joy and sense of fullness spill into their relationship. They each bring something to the table and can comfortably give and receive. A dysfunctional relationship is when one or both people believes the other person can “give them” something or that there’s something to “get” from the other person.
None of the articles – or the report about when men pull away – seem to address a man pulling away/refusing to talk or see you after an argument or altercation of some kind. Last week after sex which was really great, he wanted to stop for some reason I’m not sure of, and I got teary and upset. (Looked it up since and it was probably post-coital dysphoria) I was upset and confused and kept asking why he had wanted to stop and said I felt rejected… anyway after about half an hour of me spiralling, confused, he said,… Read more »
I’m going through this exact thing. It’s heartbreaking. I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now. He told me a while ago that he had fallen for me. I told him I felt the same. The last few weeks have been really hard. With either really short texts or no reply at all. He’s been busy with work. I know this is true. I get that he can’t answer every text straight away. I also understand he has a life of his own. We’ve barely said about 5 sentences to each other over the last few days. It’s taken a lot for me to start this relationship. After being single for about 11 years. I don’t want to end up in the exact same place as I was a few months ago.

He was my bestfriend for a while and then we found out that we actually love each other so we dated for a few months and then he told me that we should go back to being bestfriends to protect what we have because we can never be together or get married due to our religious beliefs.. when we started doing that he was already talking to another girl who follows the same religion as him and i got jealous and got into many fights with him about that .. that lasted for about 2 months and then he got sick from my craziness and told me that we should be just regular friends not even bestfriends and we shouldn’t text everyday or call each other unless there is something important.. that was about a month ago .. i begged him to become bestfriends again i talked alot and tried everything i could do but it was no use .. yesterday i talked to him about it again and he told me that being just friends is his final decision ans he won’t change his mind and i should act that way and just let it flow .. i hate the fact that he’s in control and that it was his decision to be just regular friends. Moreover, he and that other girl became really close I’m not sure if they are dating or not but i know that they talk and hang out alot .. we go to the same college so i see them together alot .. whenever he sees me he acts normal as regular friends .. what should i do to go back into being bestfriends again ? What should i do to win him back after he said that he already moved on? I’m not sure if the other girl is a rebound or everything between them is real also.
Even if a man is completely in love – it’s natural for him to drift away at times. There may be something he’s going through that you don’t know about, or he may be having a difficult time at work. The point is, you dont know, and there is more going on in the world than just you. If you feel it in your gut that you guys are still close, give it the benefit of the doubt.
Learn to give in. It’s as simple as that. It’s surprising to see that so many individuals fail in a relationship because of this one thing alone. Seriously, how difficult is it for couples to learn to give in selflessly once in a while? Over recent years, men and women have become too bullheaded and stubborn. Couples don’t like to give in, and it’s always my way or the highway. But think about it, if you truly love your partner, seeing them smile or have a good time would make you happy too, wouldn’t it?
We met at a line dancing place last Sept. I liked him, so I was always trying to get his attention u know. One night we sort of talked and I taught him how to do a couple of dances, and then he came over to our table and met my friends. He and my sisters boyfriend are friends now. So we kind of slipped into liking each other and we would always dance together and sit together, and he would put his arm around me and hold my hand and stuff like that. And then on weekends our group would get together and have movie nights. So we were together for about two months and then I went with him to his family Christmas and met his mom and dad. But after that he started to withdraw a little and he would go talk to other people at dancing and would start ignoring me. Then after dancing he would stick around and talk and hug me and stuff. That made me mad that he would ignore me, and then after dancing want attention. So that kept happening, and he kept pulling further away, until finally he started dancing with another girl. In March I finally called him and told him to tell me what was happening. He said he didn’t know what he wanted, and that it’s not me it’s him. And when I asked him if he wanted to be done, he kept saying “I don’t know”.

Men love a happy woman. When it feels good and pleasant to be around you and to talk to you, we’re drawn to you. When it’s negative and emotionally heavy, we stay away. There is nothing more attractive than a positive, happy woman. Just one little happy, lighthearted text (after a period of no contact that gives him a chance to really miss you), can do wonders when it comes to canceling out some of the negative feelings he may be carrying.
Your articles always leave me teary-eyed, Renee. They are full of brilliant and compassionate insights. You speak of being authentic, you speak of trusting in the infinite perfection of the universe to give back what we put in. You speak of having a pure open hearted connection and leaving our fears at the door. This article made me cry. And I think it’s because it rang so true. We all want to be admired and trusted. I feel like whenever a man fell in love with me, it was after he revealed something shameful to me and I just accepted… Read more »
Remember why you fell in love. After a long time with the same person, it is easy to let the problems in your life, like money, kids, or stress, overwhelm the good memories you have. Try to take a step back from your daily life and think about what you enjoy about your partner, focusing on the reasons you work well together. This will help you let go of the negative thoughts that may have taken over lately and remember why you are in love.[7]
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