I also want to know how to communicate with a man when he does something that we don't like..because I read that men doesn't like to have told what to do or what to not,then if he does something that I don't like,if I charge him for it then it will be accusing him and he may pull away eventually because it may show that I am needy but you tell me I am his girlfriend so I do have some rights,don't I? so,how come telling my needs make me needy? My head just blows away to figure out the balance..sorry for the long post,but I loved your article and hope that you'll make some time to reply...thank you😊
8 months now, we normally live together but he’s away sometimes to take care of the kids for like a week every month which no problem for me. He agreed that moving back to that location is good for the kids education but for her he’s not sure. However, my concern is that he now has to be away to that new location that his ex and kids will move to (it’s also his hometown), to help on finding the apartment and prepare for schooling.
A lot of clients ask me… should I call or text my ex? Personally, I believe texting is a much safer way to communicate with your ex. It doesn’t require you to have a full-blown, face-to-face conversation and it’s extremely non-invasive. Your ex is free to reply to you whenever he or she wants, and you’re able to reply to your ex’s text whenever you want too. This sort of dynamic allows you time to think about what to say before you actually say it.
I love your articles. Appreciate to help and advice my situation. I’m in relation with my boyfriends for 3 months. He’s start to talk about the future and marriage since our 3rd date. He was send me fill text everyday it’s made my heart fell full and in love with him so much and we start to have sex after 4th date. But since last months I few something changed after I asked him about the series relation between us, he’s send me a less of text, didn’t keep the date schedule. When I talked about get marriage he said we just know each other a few months. Now I’m move to other country and so worry about the long distance relation with him. He’s promised me will waiting to me and will come to visit me on Jan. But right now I got only one message from him a day someday it’s no text from him. I love him so much. How should I get him back.
My partner and I have been together a little over two years but recently broke up (he broke up with me) and I want to follow all these rules, as I believe I am strong enough to do it and I absolutely want him back however we do currently live together and study at the same school. I’m living in a new town and don’t have any family or friends here so providing space is hard. What do I do???
Hi Lauren, I've been wrestling with this with family and friends and thought maybe someone else online could help.Here's my situation. I have known my fiance for over a year, we met online and have visited each other many times. I've flown over to ireland three to four times for weeks at a time and she had visited the US for six weeks to try it out in february and for the fiance visa for six weeks in July-Sept. We would talk everyday for four to five hours a night while we were apart. She is very close to her family and loves her country. She believes Ireland is the best thing since refried beans. My plan was for her to Move to the US and we could live there while she could visit ireland for two to three months every year with the future kids for summer and christmas and then we'd move to ireland for good when I retired since I'm the bread winner and my specified job is in america (I'm a petroleum Engineer). However she back peddled and said she doesn't think what we had is strong enough to leave her family. So she came up with a five year plan. When she moved to the US for five years then we have to move back to ireland and find work there. I really loved her to i agreed to the promise. Well while she was over in the US for the fiance visa she started getting really homesick. A week or so before the wedding she said she realized why she had doubts about the marriage and that was that she loved me but wasn't "in love with me" and that I should treat her more like a lover instead of a friend. But to not worry about it and we can work on it. The next night she popped the question. "If i wanted to go back to ireland in a year will you go with me?" I said no. "what about after five years to raise our kids?" I sighed and just said no. She called off the wedding and cried alot. I should have said something other than no. Like, yes that's our plan. Or we'll do what's best for our fam...
boyfriend just broke up with me chances of getting back with ex Coach Lee does he miss me does my ex think about me does no contact make your ex miss you does silence make a man miss you does the no contact rule work does the no contact rule work if you were dumped ex dating again ex dating someone else ex dating someone new ex getting back together first meeting after no contact Friend zone good texts to send your ex how to get your ex boyfriend back how to get your ex to want you back how to make him miss you how to make him regret hurting you how to make him regret losing you how to make your ex want you how to make your ex want you back how to text your ex Is no contact working is there hope to get your ex back just dumped limerence limerent object no contact dating no contact ex boyfriend no contact period no contact rule no contact with kids power of silence after break up radio silence to get ex back should i get back together should I respond to ex during no contact should you ignore a text from your ex should you use guilt to get your ex back signs my ex boyfriend still has feelings for me signs your ex wants you back stages of no contact texting your ex will my ex move on during no contact
I have gone over what you have written. This is not an uncommon case or issue for me. Many couples come to me with problems similar to yours. Now as I have said before if you read what I wrote previously on this website, if you return to your boyfriend at the end of the day, then he need not worry. My husband and I each have certain thing that we take time to tell each other. A relationship consists of two individuals, not more. In today’s time people may try to change your words and create problems for your relationship. Your boyfriend must come to terms with acknowledging that nothing occurred between you and those certain males. After a year, a certain trust develops. You or him may not be able to see it, but it is their. As you have stated, you have been together for 15 months. He must understand if you wished to be with other males you would not have remained with him for that period of time. Establish certain rules, not hard restrictions. Communication plays the largest part in every relationship. I have seen many problems and situations not only as a couples therapist but in my own marriage of 35 years. I do not know all of my husbands co worker or friends and it is the same for him. You may think that I am merely telling you these things easily but through 35 years I have been in your position multiple times. We maintain a balance among us. We come back to each other at days end. You must be strong as a couple. Rise above these situations and above all, communicate. You both have a long way to go. Do not break up of issues as such. Build a protective wall around your mind and bodies. Do not allow anyone else to enter your relationship. Communicate and heal together. Spend quality time with each other and grow. Pay no heed to these problems. I always remind all my couples that if they are to fight together, nothing will be able to stand between them.
Guys don’t know exactly what it is, but suddenly their instincts are telling them to get away. This usually occurs at the point where the woman could no longer keep the act up. Maybe she’s trying to appear cool and go-with-the-flow, but in her mind she’s already thinking of ways to turn a relationship that’s really nothing at this point into something. From that point forward, it’s not easygoing and natural, it’s her measuring if she is getting closer or further from her goal.
Though it can be difficult to ask a man what he is looking for, it also challenges you to get one step closer to your goal. The more comfortable you are with this the easier it will become. I know that some people may not always take my advice to challenge themselves and ask the man what he is looking for, so I want to give you some other clues on what to pay attention to if you don’t want to have this conversation with him. Side note, I am in no way I offering you a pass to wiggle out of the conversation! Remember, challenge yourself.

What I am going to share with you now is the most common reasons being men’s disappearing acts! As you read through this article, it’s essential that you understand that men are natural born hunters who enjoy the chase. If he is interested in having you as his girlfriend, he will show you this with his actions. Be careful to never settle for a man that isn’t giving you 100% with his actions but is saying everything with his words. This is where a lot of women run into trouble in their search for a good man. Pay attention to his actions more than his words.


Know that it can take a long time to rebuild trust after cheating. Once one partner loses faith in their partner it can take years to regain the trust that was lost. Any time a cheating partner leaves the house meets up with coworkers, or texts someone new, feelings of jealousy and distrust are natural. Be prepared to work hard, and for several months, to rebuild trust after an affair.
The therapy mantra is that the pattern is more powerful than the people. (Try sitting in someone else's seat at dinner tonight and see what happens – just make sure all the knives are out of sight). So rather than wasting your time worrying about who is right, use it to try and decode the dysfunctional pattern. Once you do, change it. A good way to do that is to talk about it (the pattern) rather than the people: "I notice that a lot of times that when if I ask if you could pick up your socks you say you will but then don't, and then I get annoyed and nag you and then you blow up. I'm wondering if we can do this differently." But even if you can't do that, for whatever reason, just try changing it and if you can, let the other person know your intentions: "I'm doing this because I'm worried that ________." The beauty of patterns is that if you hold your ground, the pattern has to change. You, all by yourself, become the change agent of the relationship. Certainly a good and important start. 
10. Think effort, not outcome. There is an inspirational saying that you see in the hallways of businesses: Good decisions come from experience and experience comes from making bad decisions. Mastering life and relationships is a long process of experimentation. Life isn’t Ready, Aim, Fire; it’s Ready, Fire, Aim. Try something – with mindfulness, clear intentions and a good heart – see what happens, adjust, and try again. That’s always the best you can do, and don't waste your time and energy with internal scolding or heavy-hearted regret. On any given day you're always doing the best you can.
The next thing that you need to do has nothing to do with your ex directly. You need to work on yourself. Get to the gym, start running, find something new. Get new friends, and change up your life. You have to do this, so that the point where her friends chime in to see how you’re doing, they’ll relay to her that you’re actually not sweating the break up. Also, you’re going to actually help yourself, and perhaps find a way to your next relationship. You’ll be surprised by this completely.
I havnt texted him since nor have he reached out. Sigh I guess blow this , What to do now, surely feeling stuck to win him back. I shouldnt have done the letter because now he knows I want him back sigh this sucks. Not sure how to reverse that either. Timeline of contact & no contact. After the break up we went one week no contact and the week after that on a Monday I initiate contact so that he but his half the pay the bills. The Tuesday he initiated contact that he have paid his half. It was more a business conversation. On Wednesday was my birthday and he initiated contact through text to enjoy my day On the 22 he initiated contact that he was coming by the house, I didn't answer and 29 of November he initiated contact again Stating he was coming by the house I didn't answer. The reason I didn't respond was because he at the time he had my house keys so he had access, whenever he wants. He sent another text on the 29th Asking if I had paid a bill only then I respond. During this same week, I knew he was angry since his coworker told me that they didn't kiss, since her called got transferred to my phone and I ask her and she told him that I ask her. He then called me 7 times back to back but I didn't answer. I went 2 weeks no contact although he was the one to contact. On the 1st December I initiated contact asking if we could talk just to tell him what's going on that when he came to the house for the clothing. Since Monday December 5 2016 he haven't reach out and so I sent a text 10 December "you are truly one for a kind, unique in every way. I am so glad I met you because there is nobody else like you in the world" and today I2 December I sent " You changed me in positive ways that I am still just starting to understand" I got no response, should I cut off contact, or have I just blow my chances of getting him back. Sigh Add a comment......
That’s very sad. Don’t be afraid to date. Be selective but you deserve the attention and love you need. You’re both holding on to “company”. You are holding onto someone who isn’t thinking about your need to have a complete relationship. Once you settle for less you will always get less. If you value yourself and your time then the right man will too. I have a soft cat to hug. Try it.
A lot of people think that when they implement Radio Silence (No contact) with their Ex Bf, that it is all about denying them or punishing them.  But that is not it at all.  It is really about allowing your Ex Boyfriend time to get over his anger and resentment and sort through his feelings.  Make no mistake, bitterness is usually just hovering over a break up couple and your guy might be holding on to his fair share. So allow for some space.  Once the ugly thoughts are out of his mind, the good thoughts and memories will eventually return as he will most assuredly start missing you, sometimes terribly.
Hi! So I have been snapchating with my ex for some time now. The problem is that if I send him a snap he might respond with some emojies or sometimes a comment, but we never actually get a conversation out of it. Should I text him instead of sending him a snap even though we usually only snap? Or should I respond to any of his comments and start a conversation from there? Thanks!
2. After a brief trip down the road of healing past wounds, the next turn in how to fix a relationship is to explore new paths for your relationship – new ways of dealing with similar situations when they arise again in the future. For this part of your journey, remember to keep your eyes on the road ahead. What's done is done. This part of the journey is about creating a plan for a new, better future.
Apologize. Think deeply about anything you did or didn't do that somehow contributed to the downfall of the relationship, and clean the slate by giving your ex a proper apology. Take full responsibility for the offense, without blaming your ex, giving excuses, or expecting an apology (or even forgiveness) in return. It may very well be that your ex contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for someone else; you can only apologize for yourself. Leave him or her out of it and odds are the apology will be reciprocated.
I’ve been “hanging out” with this guy off and on for two years. Before meeting him I read books on this exact subject. I’ve been married and divorced twice so I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing if I got involved with a man again. I’m very opened about my feels I always have been. I like that about myself but in the past I’ve also been pushy wanting things to happen right away. Now with this guy I’m “hanging out” with has pulled away a lot in the 2 yrs I’ve been seeing him, but he had always come back. I think it’s because I always gave him his space. Since being married and divorced twice taking things slow was fine with me. Just recently though, I couldn’t help myself and I told him that I loved him. I thought for sure he was going to pull away, but he didn’t not right away anyways. In fact, we talked about making it exclusive. I was so happy because it’s what I had been waiting patiently for two years for. Recently, we had a two year anniversary of when we met so being the person I am I gave him a card. I said a paragraph of very heartfelt things. I knew this would definitely make him pull away from me and I was right. Even though I know when it’s going to happen it still doesn’t make it easy to deal with. I love him and I want him to know this. I want him to know that I accept him for who he is. I feel the only way I’m going to get him to trust me is by letting him have his time away from me. When he comes back he’s different, for instance, he more loving sweeter. I believe him when he says he’s happy with me. He too has been in difficult relationships in the past that broke his heart. Love isn’t meant to go fast. Love takes time. I’m glad it’s going this way even though it’s hard because I came from abusive background and it’s why my marriages ended. This guy inspires me to grow and find myself. I’ve started back to school at 43 yrs old because of his encouragement. I don’t feel I have to be someone I’m not when I’m with him. I feel safe when I’m with him. I want him to feel the same when he’s with me. I feel that’s what true love is all about. I may love him but he’s not my whole world, he’s only part of it.
If you cannot control your feelings, then I would suggest for you not to maintain a relationship with this person. Furthermore, I always think it’s vital to any starting point in dating or a relationship to be clear about each other’s expectations. If you are looking for a relationship, then let the other person know early on! If not, then say so. There have been too many times that I’ve seen a woman dating a man for months on end, only to end up getting hurt because it became a purely physical “modern relationship” in which the man never truly committed. The two never set the expectations for a relationship, or the woman sat in silence out of fear of being pushed away, hoping he would come around.
I also want to know how to communicate with a man when he does something that we don't like..because I read that men doesn't like to have told what to do or what to not,then if he does something that I don't like,if I charge him for it then it will be accusing him and he may pull away eventually because it may show that I am needy but you tell me I am his girlfriend so I do have some rights,don't I? so,how come telling my needs make me needy? My head just blows away to figure out the balance..sorry for the long post,but I loved your article and hope that you'll make some time to reply...thank you😊
I also want to know how to communicate with a man when he does something that we don't like..because I read that men doesn't like to have told what to do or what to not,then if he does something that I don't like,if I charge him for it then it will be accusing him and he may pull away eventually because it may show that I am needy but you tell me I am his girlfriend so I do have some rights,don't I? so,how come telling my needs make me needy? My head just blows away to figure out the balance..sorry for the long post,but I loved your article and hope that you'll make some time to reply...thank you😊
I was reading your article and I just had to write to you and ask for your guidance. I have been seeing a married man for almost two years. Everything was great and it seemed as we were going to be together then I am not sure what happened about 2-3 months ago that he just started to pull away and makes the excuse that he's doing what he's doing to protect us. Not sure what that means.... Confused, and heart broken
To improve your self-esteem, concentrate on your strengths in all areas: emotional, social, talents and skills, appearance, and any others that are important to you. For example, you might have natural empathy, the ability to make people feel understood, a talent for baking, and gorgeous hair. Focusing on the positive and ignoring the negative can help you to feel adequate and valuable as an individual, especially when you connect the best parts of yourself to helping others.[9] If you feel useless, make yourself useful! Take your natural empathy and talent for baking and bake some fresh cookies for your elderly neighbors.

Stop trying to get your ex back if the relationship was toxic or abusive. It might feel temporarily lonely or even boring to be on your own after the end of a tumultuous relationship, but try to ride that feeling out instead of going back to your ex. On again, off again relationships tend to be based on unhealthy patterns that won't go away. Resist the temptation to jump right back in when you know you're better off without him.
According to research, the number one cause of the breakup of romantic relationships is failure to communicate. If your relationship was otherwise happy, this problem can often be fixed by setting clear expectations and openly discussing frustrations before things explode in a big fight. Other issues can be harder to overcome, like infidelity or jealousy; but with work and counseling, even these types of issues are possible to work through.
Know that it can take a long time to rebuild trust after cheating. Once one partner loses faith in their partner it can take years to regain the trust that was lost. Any time a cheating partner leaves the house meets up with coworkers, or texts someone new, feelings of jealousy and distrust are natural. Be prepared to work hard, and for several months, to rebuild trust after an affair.

I have not been with many girls before her and to be honest this was my longest relationship, and I am her first real boyfriend. I think at times I got too concerned with things she said or not trusting her and getting upset for no reason simply because I wanted to “win” or try to have her give in and admit I was right in an argument, and this selfish feeling got so bad that I almost broke up with her twice.. I never truly intended to leave her, I just wanted her to admit I was right.. and that was such a terrible and stupid thing to do I know out of anger and arrogance. But through all those words I never stopped loving her, my love never wavered. but lately after the second time we almost broke up she has been drifting away from me, we barely talk at home and in public she seems more happy with friends or makes no effort to go out with me. when I tried to speak to her about it we both apologized for everything but she still said her love has been growing weaker ever since i almost broke up with her and that her heart is closing. One day i tried to speak to hear and she started breaking up with me over a phone message while crying saying she doesn’t know if there is anything left. she kept saying she doesn’t want to leave me but she is tired of relationships at the same time and both of those feelings are equal for her. I apologized once more and begged her to give it another try for at least a month and told her i would change my attitude to let her do as she pleases and accept and love all her flaws like the first month we were together and she accepted, a bit unwillingly i must admit, saying part of her doesn’t want to leave me. but those words of hers are so strong and i am afraid she will not regain her former love for me after the month or a while and she will end up leaving me for good. i am confused and unsure what i should do now.
It has NOTHING to do with lying about your feelings, but about not chasing the other person when they need time and space, and TRUSTING the other person. When you chase, it basically signals him that you don’t trust him. Believe it, I know it’s counter-intuitive and for women, it’s a mystery, but it is TRUE. You want to date a guy, right? Then PLEASE understand it is natural for guys to want to find the balance between intimacy and independence, vulnerability and strength, relationship and freedom. If he need space, GIVE HIM SPACE. It says NOTHING about lying — it’s just it’s not the right time to discuss your feelings. Pick another time, like when you two are ready to have a talk — when he is feeling closer to you. Choose the right time and the right words. That’s all. No one says you should be lying about how you feel; and trust me, if you really are not happy to hear from him, then maybe you should just call it quits because that “love” is not real. I mean, if a child runs away and then comes back, would you ever feel and say “I don’t want to see you?” That’s just selfish, and love. Trust me, and this from a guy who has been on that side of the fence.

This angers her and she swears to “make you pay.” Of course, we all know that women are emotional creatures so around day 14 into no contact you get another message from her. Except this time instead of a generic “hey” it is an emotional message and you are really tempted to respond to it but you don’t because you are sticking to your original plan.
Hello, my fiancee give me a ring. We was looking at getting married nextyear. I came to a realization that I was a convenient around him. He was to controlling and wanted to have his way. When I begin to show him that I didn’t like the way he acted and flirted around other women online and in public. He begin to blame me of being to jealous and controlling. Well he broke up with me sad he was just going to find himself and be along. Come to find out he moved in some female he knew from high… Read more »
He had left some things at my place and came by to pick them up (after two weeks) last night. I could tell he was nervous, and I admit I was nervous also. We were kind of chit chatting and I don’t know why I asked this, but I just had to. I asked him “do you still think about me sometimes?” And he said yes, and that sometimes he wants to tag me in a funny post he’ll see on Facebook but he was afraid it would be a weird thing to do. I said that was okay, and got kind of teary eyed and admitted I thought of him sometimes too and it’s been somewhat difficult to get used to.
8 yrs and 2 kids and after every fight we have had he leaves and stays away for days to weeks.just 2 in a half weeks from today we fought and I know wat was that started the fight.i caught myself too fucking late he started changing I watched as he changed on me from 1 caring and loving he's trying bf to the imposter with the IDGAF and thinks u lying every time he asks u something attitude towards me.i was only supposed to get dropped of at the store and come back home with soda anyhow my son in laws friend was going that way and asked if I wanted a lift & that he going that way so I sedd yes my bf heard the whole conversation because he sitting beside me.he just shrugged his head and told me to hurry back ND I left with my son in laws friend ,I was wanting to go my sister's place to see her check up on her from time to time just in case she need anything. So he told me he had some business to handle not far from my sister's place and if I like he would take me to my sisters and go handle his shit it was going be fast kine he sedd so I told him shoots ND we did wat was planned take me to sisters ND he went handle his shit and wasn't fast kine either homie took almost 3 hrs before he pulling up my cup soda empty so I knew I was fucked late af for 1 and another 1 no soda and I got dropped off from the same guy I left with earlier.i went home and he sedd so wea the soda I told him sorry baby no moa me my sister and nephews drank it while waiting for my ride for pick me up.and he gave me 1 look das all I took was da look I seen um he attitude towards me change went from caring loving bf to 1 imposter with IDGAF and I lying Everytime he asks me anything attitude.after witnessing that I caught myself my actions that wasn't intentionally done to hurt him in anyway which it did hurt him I couldn't reach him he to far gone so we fought because of his macho attitude to me.and we had words with each other and like all the rest of our fights wat does he do LEAVE GRABS HIS BACKPACK N HES GONE,in that bag has everything he owns in it.he takes that bag every where with him.and he stays away no call absolutely no CONTACT with me and his children we have together I know wea he's at and all but that's besides the point u have a family at home waiting for you ND hes up at his comfort zone ain't losing sleep over his family at all.he acts as if he no moa a gf and 2 kids ND 1 house to go to.and instead staying in front of his friends property on the side of the road in his car that's wea my bf staying in his car at his friends house ND property.i always is the 1 to go to him and reconcile with him to come home then he'll come back home ND life goes on till the next fight we have he going stay away for 1 month now or longer I'm scared I really tried to keep in touch with him to apologize to him letting him know that I see my wrong and I'm owning up to it. I even wrote him a letter telling him sorry for my actions and how much I love missing him so much and how much his boys misses him to asks for him everyday and it's ok to come home so we can talk and left on his window wipers on his car.i know he got the letter from me.wat he does he ignores all my efforts of keeping in touch with him no response,he didn't even show up for our son's bday so sad that went hurt my heart.leaving me in 1 fucked and fucked up situation at the sametime tryna keep my shit together because of my children and keeping our the only thing we good rn which is our house that doesn't feel like home because now it's going onto 3 weeks in the matter of days now and he's still never come call nothing no contact at all.im scared and idk wat to do any more but I not giving up even though so badly I like just say fuck it and give up on him ND us.but I keep on fighting for him.by going to him almost like I chasing him.the moment I feel awkward I take off and I come back again another time till he wants to come home.idk why and I like to know why and how does he not worry about his family and not wanna check up on them.idk wat to do ND I not giving up but I out of options on approaching him on if he still wants me to be apart of his life I mean wtf please tell me something anything or u done 8yrs 2 kids how can u give up all dis and deahs no lady involve.he just chooses to stay away and I like know why I'm scared to go find out emotionally I not ready.plz help me I need some advice on wat kind of actions to take in my situation ND ur opinion on my problem with my bf having no contact with me N kids and chooses to stay away no contact.thank you
My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. He said he craves for independence and he he still loves me but that’s just what’s right to do. He pushed me away whenever I try to get close or hug or lean my head against his back. I really love him and I want to get him back but we are flatmates, we live together and I don’t know how to do the no contact? And I’ve gone home for a few days and I didn’t tell him where I was going. I’ll be going back in a few days and I’ll be seeing him again. What should I tell him if he asks me where I went? I don’t want to look like a loser grieving so much for our relationship. And I really want to get him back.
Deal lauren. I am a fan of mars and venus books and i have all the collection. I also recommended the books to my friends. But i still need your advice , my bf broke up with me 4 months ago. he felt overwhelmed, asked space and said he has nothing to say other than he needs to be alone. Since than i tried everything includinf suggesting to be friends and told him im over the break up and want my friend back. We work together, we were close friends for 6 months and we dated for 4 months. So after the friendship speech, he panicked and ended the conversation by saying lets keep it simple and move on. So i decided to start a true limited contact ( since i hv to work with him daily), since than he called once for work purpose (i think) but didnt answer him, he asked once how i was doing ( i replied im gd only) he tried a few jokes, and we met at a friends wedding so he invited me to dance with our other friends but i declined. I am commited to NC. He also invited me for a coffee at the work coffee shop and touched my hand once. My reactions were simple and didnt show attention or neediness. Than suddenly he went distant again and start ignoring me all over again. Im completly lost. I thought he starts to get closer!!!Please advice. Thank you ...
Interpret your emotions. In the pain and confusion of a breakup, it can be easy to confuse your emotions, interpreting feelings of loneliness and hurt as evidence that you need your ex back in your life. In fact, almost everyone who experiences a breakup initially feels remorse for the lost relationship, coupled with feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness. Generally, the more serious the relationship was, the more severe these feelings tend to be; couples who are married or cohabiting tend to have the worst breakups, whereas those who were casually dating tend to have an easier time in the aftermath of a breakup.[1] But the severity of your feelings does not automatically mean that you should get back together with your ex.
If you’re really worried that your ex is going to get into a new relationship, or you know he’s in one and you want to find out whether it’s real or not, this article will give you the signs that his new relationship is a rebound. That way, you can get a definitive answer to the question, “Is he in a rebound relationship?” and move on with putting the no contact rule to work for you.
Following this advice helped me save my relationship. At the start I the break up I was messaging him a lot and begging to get back together. I looked stupid. After reading this I tried the no contact rule and focused on bettering myself and finding distractions when I felt the urge to talk to him. Just pretending to move on helped me feel a lot better about myself. We were later forced to work together and I kept my head up ignored him the best I could besides work relations and showed him that I can move on. Shortly after that he broke down to me about missing me and doing anything to have me back.
Forgive each other. This can be the hardest part of mending a relationship, but also the most crucial. Forgiveness releases pent up anger, pain, and emotions so that they don’t come back later in life, sabotaging all the progress you’ve made. Remember that no one is perfect, and without forgiveness, there wouldn't be a single working relationship on the planet.[6]

I love this article, I am definitely going to follow your advice. My only concern is that my ex might’ve done the 4wk no contact along with every thing else to me already. He now texts me everyday and he recently told me that he loves me and he misses me but hasn’t said he wants to get back together and he is talking to another girl. Should I still do this?

Using a text message to get your ex back won’t guarantee impressive results. You have to take a step back and analyze your specific situation so that you’ll know whether or not you’d succeed in getting back together by sending a text, whether you should forget about using your phone, or whether maybe even sending a Facebook message in the hopes of getting back together could work.
My boyfriend is negative, accuses me of things, tells me things like “can’t make a hoe a housewife”. He never admits he’s wrong. He can’t accept the fact that I don’t talk to people I used to like. The ones I do talk to are not a threat. Only recently has there been one – and this is after him accusing and accusing me of things from lying to always hiding shit from him. And for these reasons.. I no longer want him in my life. I am done with it.
Realize when you and your partner’s plans no longer mesh. Couples that once had perfect chemistry can run into trouble when life-goals and missions collide. If one person, for example, wants to go back to grad school while the other wants to travel the world, one person might feel slighted or cheated no matter which choice you go with. If you are constantly fighting or drifting apart because you have different dreams, it may be time to pursue your goals on your own.[13]
This article showed you how to text your ex to re-ignite his romantic feelings and give things another shot. But there’s more you need too know. Do you know what to do to inspire him to come back and commit to you for good? Do you know what makes a man truly miss a woman and realize he doesn’t want to live without her? Do you know the best way to get your ex back and make it work? If not, read this next: Do You Want Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Use This to Get Him Back...
In the dating world, I often see that one of the most common reasons men pull away is that they find the woman to be challenging, and she gives in because she likes him. She starts settling and making excuses for his lazy or inappropriate behavior. There are many times I see a woman dating a man, and he shows all the signs that he is not ready for a relationship with his behavior and his words. Instead of pushing yourself towards him in the hopes of changing his mind, I believe the right thing to do in this situation is to dig deep into your feelings. If you can control your feelings by maintaining a friendship, then go for it. (And I’m not talking about being “friends with benefits.”)

I wouldn’t say that I am a workout fanatic or anything like that but I do love to work out. In fact, I try to get at least five workouts in every single week. And one of the hard truths that I have had to learn about working out is the fact that if you don’t have music playing in your ears while you workout it can be an extremely painful experience.

1. Think patterns, not people. When thinking about relationship problems it’s easy to think in terms of people, specifically who is right, who is wrong, who is screwed up, and who is really screwed up. This isn’t usually helpful and only leads to a blame game. Instead of people, think patterns. A does something, this triggers B, who in turn triggers A, then B. Some patterns are beneficial and help us stay sane and stable, others are neutral habits, and some are deadly and capable of damage. 


Think about why you want him back. Breakups are never easy, even when the relationship was not a good fit. For this reason, it's crucial to think about your motives for wanting to get your boyfriend back. If you want to get back together because you are sad or lonely or don't like being single, you should probably reconsider. Just because you miss your ex does not mean you should be with him. These feelings will go away eventually, although it may take some time. If you want to get back together because you genuinely care for your ex and you can see yourself having a future with him, then go ahead and try to get him back![2]
Last message I told him that I’ll let him having time there to get things done after he told me that he’s not struggling with everything. (he has lots of extra expenses for this move too) He said he has anxiety about kids moving away (where we are now and new location is about 13 hours fly) but anyway he will prepare everything for them to move smoothly.

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant 90-FE-0123. Any opinions, finding, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Servies, Administration for Children and Families.


Hi, we work at same place and she sit just front of me so we see each other 100 times a day. Not able to apply no contact rule properly. Two months in no contact but not working as both are at same place. But whenever I text her in urgent no reply from her. In a month we will not be together, so should I wait to be apart when she will feel it or everything in her seems dead for me. I can’t take her rigid nature of not texting back or receive emergency call. What she want. I am not well and can’t focus on my personal life and career which is not good for me.
I found this article one of the best in a very long search I had been doing. Hope it will be helpful for me to help repair my relation with someone whom I extremely care about but made her angry with a useless conversation. I never intended to hurt her but I did. I am hurt too but cant let her remain angry. This post might get helpful in getting me rid of this state.
After a breakup, your ex will have one essential need: space. I know that I often repeat this fact, but I always receive numerous testimonies (feel free to leave your comment as well at the end of this article) in which my readers state that they realized that they were way too present with their ex, and that it was detrimental to their chances of getting back together.

Hopefully, these tips give you something to work with, and you will find something that can help you approach your relationship problems in a different way. You don't have to be Freud, you don't have to do it all at once; instead, see which of these ideas catch your attention. Then pick a situation, a pattern, a problem, and map out a different approach, a concrete behavior that you can put into place. Start small. Focus on you. One change will lead to another.
I recently stumbled across your podcasts and blogs. My boyfriend recently broke up with me about 4 days ago. We had been long distance for 2 and a half years, just went on our first vacation together, and had already gone through some really difficult times with family issues. We were always there for each other, really good at communicating, being honest, making trips to see each other, and times to call and/or FaceTime. The past few months we had some issues, all small minor things, that seemed to be fixed and okay, but he said that the past few months made him unsure about closing the distance, the future, and just made him want to focus on himself. Even though we mutually called this a “break” we’re going through it like a normal break up. He said he didn’t want things to end horribly and wanted to be friends, and although he’s not sure if time and growth and fix the issues he’s not ruling out the possibility of us getting back together. I agreed and said that I do believe time, space ,growth and self reflection can really help focus on what to do differently, if we were to try us out again, and may fix the issues. Even with me saying that he agreed. We both shared such a special connection, and because of the family problems that happened, spending holidays together and going to each other’s college graduations, I do believe he just needs time to himself. His sister even told me she strongly believes he will come back and so many people have as well. The last text sent was me telling him I needed time before I could even talk to him, and it may take a while. He said he understands that and I understand he does not wan to be in a relationship at this moment and for a while. Even though it hurts, there’s something in my gut that keeps telling me that although I love him enough to let him go and figure himself out, he will come back. I don’t know when but I believe it. I’ve already started reflecting in a journal and writing down what I would work on in the future to make the relationship stronger and better. I really want him to come back, and I believe he will even though I know I have to tell myself that maybe he won’t. There’s already been so many signs I’ve been seeing that correlate with him and his interests that are telling me we’ll be okay. I’m not angry, and there’s no hatred towards him which is also weird. I’m glad he was honest with me now instead of further down the line like if we were visiting each other or something. I’ve been reading everything and I’ve started the no contact rule and although I heard he deleted pictures from our recent vacation he’s also been distant with things. I know this is a good time for self reflection on both individuals. I would love to try us again sometime and I do believe we could make it work.
Commit to having a better relationship. If your ex-boyfriend takes you back, you both need to take steps to make sure that the same problems that caused your last breakup will not interfere with your relationship again. Talk to each other about what kinds of conflicts you have had in the past and how you could deal with them more appropriately going forward.[9]
Hi am haleemah my boy friend broke up with me early this month he saw some messages o my phone chatting with other guts , have been neging him to please giveme a second chance but he wouldn’t listen ,I mesg he several times but he said he is no more interested but the truth is I love him and I didn’t cheat on him intentionally ,I only did it because of my ex but he didn’t believe me.pls I never your advice
This is when I felt like I really met Mary. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t jealous, and I wasn’t distracted—I had a clear mind, and I loved her. She was the kind of girl I’d always call back, and always take out for dates, and always hold hands with. She’s the kind of girl I never want to be away from. I’d seen what life looked like without Mary (cue damp Jimmy Stewart shouting “Mahhhhrrrrrryyyyy, don’t you remember me Mary?” in It’s a Wonderful Life), and I had a new appreciation for her. I loved the person she had turned into: She had built a life for herself in New York and was the person I know she always wanted to be—she grew her bangs out, too, which I guess is a big thing for women?
Long distance relationship, We dead-loved each other for one year and then I broke up. She left immediately and I missed her for two weeks and texted back. Three months I didnt care, She kept texting and called. slowly she came up with this breakup thing. All of a sudden she declared breakup and I couldnt digest it. I begged her for 2 weeks. Will she get back? How long should I wait?
Last year we were about to marry, everyone was veryy happy, hi family and my family met then his mother ask for few details and wanted to do enquiry and all of my family and she said she wont allow me to work, i said yes to everthing as i was in love and wanted to marry him everything was soo good but just after the family meeting i said him that he shouldn’t speak a single word in front of his family as i was expecting him support me and say that its been 5 years we know each and already discussed everthing then i got upset from him , we faught and later on he said everthing to his mother and she start hated me , We broke up:(
I met this guy just 2 weeks ago and he was my dream come through….He is everything I needed In a man,he calls 5:30am everyday for the first week,and changed after we both had sex after our second date,now I will call him to tell him he has changed he keeps on saying he is busy…..Although he is the busy type ,but am just a little bit confused,was it the sex we had that got him pulled away, or his he really busy?each time I call him he will tell me he is going through some hard times now that we will talk wen things gets settled?should I stop calling him or still continue to call him?
honestly I did not show appreciation to my ex while we together. I missed valentines day and his birthday. when I decided to make the best of times with him it was to late. then I asked him for closure and he came talked in person. I told what if I got therapy because there is something going on that effects my relationships. he told its been three weeks and I’m over you….. I cried of course then looked at him and said I feel better. just got sick of being sad, doesn’t mean I’m over him. but its step. then I told me what was really going on and told he’s proud of me said I’m strong person and good girl. he told me to feel free to talk to him and said he wont be jerk to me. he also wants to improve. it sucks that I was to occupied with other stuff in life that i didn’t learn to understand him but oh well. that doesn’t mean has feelings for me. sadly I cant live in world that revolves around him I must create my own world and keeping living up to my goals. this relationship may have been painful but helped realize what I need. we are blind from pain because only look at the bad qualities that it brings us but we all need realize its actually beautiful because it shapes us. I’m going to embrace it this break up..
I’m on the other side of the coin. I’ve been dating a woman for three years and she is a raging workaholic. We rarely spend time together, if we do she falls asleep, or we have time to do nothing because she always has to be AT WORK. Living together would solve some of the problems but she always has an excuse as to why she works all the time or some martyr-ific After two years, I’ve finally gotten tired of trying to communicate my feelings and am taking time for myself. It’s hard to talk when you feel that someone is not listening.

My situation is a little different than most, we’ve been together for 5 years and he’s currently in the military now, he just ended things, with multiple reasoning but the last one was him saying he didn’t have time for a girlfriend nor did he want one. It’s been a week since we broke up and also a week of NC, I haven’t reached out, but is this going to work, is he really going to miss me even with us being so far away and his schedule being so hectic?? Please someone give me some advice…
9. Think you. In case you haven’t noticed, all these suggestions involve you, not the other guy. The stance that most couples enter counseling with is: "I have a problem with you and as soon as you change (or I or the therapist can get you to change), I’ll feel better." This doesn’t work. All you both wind up doing is fighting over who should change, creating a futile power struggle. 
Between one technique for getting back together and another, it’s hard to know which one is the most efficient. Should you try radio silence or the hand-written letter? Did the rendezvous that you had with your ex positively conclude your attempt at getting back together, or was it your work on fixing the issues that needed to be addressed what made things right again? Only the help of an experienced professional will help you figure out the best thing to do as quickly as possible.

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”
Some people try to be there for their ex. They walk their dog, they show up at their door with some gifts, and other things. This hinders your value, and makes them wish you were gone. Aside from cutting off communication, it’s imperative that you are not visible. You cannot be seen by her, by your own doing. This will create value, as absence makes the heart grow fonder. You’ll force her to think about you, and will not let her have control, you’ll be in control.
It’s mainly for this reason that making up with your ex through text messages can sometimes be a perfect alternative between remoteness and forwardness. In doing so, you are respecting the distance they are seeking while getting back in touch with your ex. However, it usually isn’t enough just to rely on a text to get your ex back. More often than not, you must take the initiative to reach out but also put other plans into motion as well.
Long distance relationship, We dead-loved each other for one year and then I broke up. She left immediately and I missed her for two weeks and texted back. Three months I didnt care, She kept texting and called. slowly she came up with this breakup thing. All of a sudden she declared breakup and I couldnt digest it. I begged her for 2 weeks. Will she get back? How long should I wait?
A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

Now it is just about two years later. We are happily in love, lI’ve together and have never had a fight or argument. We’ve had disagreements, naturally, but we work through them effortlessly. He is an amazing and loving partner. He holds me if I cry, and supports me following my dreams. He’s there for me everyday and never leaves me wondering or waiting. He now knows what a real relationship is, and actively shows me all of the love I could have ever asked for. He talks about marriage and kids all the time, and we’re so happy.
Anyways, we went on a date. Which snowballed into many dates and nights spent together. I was falling in love hard and fast. It seemed so mutual, until my birthday. I suggested we spend it together to which he replied he’d take me out for dinner! (Days beforehand we changed the dinner date to the day *after* my bday & spent my actual bday in bed watching movies.)
Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.
Last message I told him that I’ll let him having time there to get things done after he told me that he’s not struggling with everything. (he has lots of extra expenses for this move too) He said he has anxiety about kids moving away (where we are now and new location is about 13 hours fly) but anyway he will prepare everything for them to move smoothly.
You should investigate whether he is not being loving or interested, or if he’s just not doing that in the way that you expect or are used to. You may have unspoken expectations or fantasies of what a relationship should look like, and your projections are getting in the way of appreciating the good relationship you actually have. It sounds like you might have different love languages as well, where you need a lot of verbal affirmation and maybe that’s not his strong suit. That is something you can discuss with him and ask for more of. You can tell him what’s working for you and what’s not, or that you’re unsure whether he’s into you romantically despite all the evidence, and try to hear and understand where he is coming from.
He broke up with me a week ago over the phone. We were together for 7 months and had a deep connection. I have not contacted him since. Yesterday I received a text from him explaining why he did it and apology. Pretty much he is not over his divorce, has health issues, dealing with work problems, trying to work on a relationship with his kids and now is not a good time and not fair to me to continue the relationship. Should I respond or keep no contact for 30 days? Or should I acknowledge the text and respond?
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