Hi Andilla, Definitely, I've seen this work to bring couples back together! That's why I wrote the blog. This is the technique my dad, John Gray, has been teaching with success for over 30 years helping couples reunite. It's not going to work for every relationship - but this is the step I recommend people take if you want your ex back. No one wants to get back into a relationship that doesn't work…people want change, they want assurance of change so that they can trust you again and build something better. When it comes to friends with your ex? That depends on the relationship. :-)...
If a man is honest and tells you he does not want a relationship, then as a woman you should honor his truth in telling you this and take a moment to reflect and understand that you may need to pull away. Not to mention, if he also gives you the popular one-liner by saying, “I’m just seeing where things go,” proceed with caution. This is not a committed answer, so why would he want to commit to you? This is just an answer to lure you away from the truth in hopes to keep you around for what he is in search of pleasure and attention.
I got involved with somebody that I work with. We both still work at the same company together. We really were never together in a relationship. We just had a fling that lasted about a year and a half but my feelings for her were obviously much deeper than her feelings for me. She is now dating somebody for the past month. It really has destroyed me for some reason. Even though me and her were never in a relationship, we did have sex a couple of times and were intimate with each other on a few other times. We would talk to each other every single day during and after work and see each other outside of work once in a while. She said from the beginning that nothing serious could happen between us. Not only because we work together but also because there is a bit of an age and life situation difference between us. I am 35 never been married no kids. She is 44 divorced and has two kids. Obviously we are both in totally different stages in our lives but her age honestly never bothered me at all. What of course initially drew me to her was her physical appearance. We worked together for 4 years before anything intimate happened between us. I always found her to be extremely attractive but knew that she was married at the time and never even thought of trying to talk to her on a personal level. But then one day she sent me a text about a work issue and we just started texting back-and-forth from then on and it went from there. I really did enjoy the situation that we had together. I knew that I could not be with her in a serious relationship but at the same time I knew that if one day she found someone that I would be hurt. She even told me once that if she did start dating somebody she wouldn’t tell me because she knew that I would be hurt. So here we are today, she is in a month old relationship with some guy who is 50 years old I am alone and feeling completely miserable over the whole situation. I was even in Hawaii last week and all I did was think about her and wish she was there. She sent me a text message while I was there on her own out of the blue to see how I was doing and that mere act of hers made me feel like the happiest man on earth. I asked her if she wanted a present from Hawaii, and I was expecting her to say no but surprisingly she said yes I would love one surprise me. And then we started texting back-and-forth the way we used to for a little bit that day. That made me feel really good. But as soon as I got back yesterday I wanted to talk to her but she told me she could not because she was going to her “friends” House and she was not sure when she will be home. Only today did I find out that it was this guy whose house she went to.
A lot of clients ask me… should I call or text my ex? Personally, I believe texting is a much safer way to communicate with your ex. It doesn’t require you to have a full-blown, face-to-face conversation and it’s extremely non-invasive. Your ex is free to reply to you whenever he or she wants, and you’re able to reply to your ex’s text whenever you want too. This sort of dynamic allows you time to think about what to say before you actually say it.
If you’re really worried that your ex is going to get into a new relationship, or you know he’s in one and you want to find out whether it’s real or not, this article will give you the signs that his new relationship is a rebound. That way, you can get a definitive answer to the question, “Is he in a rebound relationship?” and move on with putting the no contact rule to work for you.
A true apology should be structured as follows: regret, responsibility, and remedy. The first step indicates that you are sorry for what you've done. The second step puts the responsibility on you without making excuses or blaming someone else. The final step offers to make it right or change your behavior in the future.[15] For example: "I just wanted to apologize for when I blew you off all those times that you wanted to spend with me. You must've really felt neglected. I'm going to try really hard from now on, to make it a point to do more things with you so you won't feel like that again. I'm glad you gave me your point of view to realize that."
We broke up 2 weeks ago and during the first 2 days of our breakup he became really sweet as if we’re still together and keeps on saying he’s tempted to get back again but says we need some space. He keeps saying he’s tempted but he’s not doing it because he wants to stand firm with his decision. He gets annoyed and says he’s done and he doesn’t want me anymore whenever he feels like I’m pushing him to get back with me. He tells me he misses me but when he feels like I’m pushing him he always says he’s done and we’re not getting back together. After a week I sent him a long ass message telling him how much I love him and miss him and telling him all our fun moments together and he replied in a very sweet and positive way. He said he’s hurt because he misses everything too and i’m his happiness and he’s lonely without me. He said he wanted to talk to me and call me but doesn’t do it because he wants to know his true feelings. He told me that we will try again when the time is right and that everything’s gonna be alright. We talked the whole day but when the night came I sent him a long message again and he just told me “That’s too long” and said “well I’m working on myself and I’m trying to move on” he felt that I was again pushing him to get back with me and said he was just slowly letting go to not shock me and that he’s done and we are never getting back together. It’s been two days since that happened and we never spoke again. I want us to get back together and I’m sure of it. what should I do?
I tried to ask him why and fix things but it got worse everytime I tried and when we were on the ph he ignored me the calls were silent and when I did say something he ignored me :( we used to be close we were friends on snapchat he chose to ignore me but still watched my mystory and it went on like that 4 weeks till I got upset and blocked him on my snapchat but still have him on Skype and his # we even would mail each other presents for holidays I fear he may have moved on and doesn’t like me anymore
I am engaged to a man that I love with all of my heart. He went through a very difficult phase in his life, that changed him totally. He flirted with my best friend and my sister, but denies it. I caught him watching pornography, and he did try to deny it, but eventually confessed. Then we moved to another city and started a business together, and I thought he will show me the love and affection that he used to, but he doesnt and because of this we always end up fighting. I am not blind for his faults, but I love him so much. I have been fighting for this relationship for over a year. When is it time to give up and just move on???
4. Think of problems as bad solutions. Whatever you see as a problem – the socks on the floor, the lack of sex, your partner’s anger – ask yourself how it may be a bad solution to some other problem. You want to be curious about the driving impulse. You don’t have to have the answer but you need to raise the question: "Help me understand why you leave your socks on the floor." "We haven’t made love in a long time – how come?" And because anger is often driven by worry and fear, ask “What are you worried about?” rather than “Why are you so pissed off?” What is important that you sound calm when you ask the questions – like Mr. Rogers. If you sound angry or irritated, expect shutdown or anger in return. 
The way you can make him regret it is by moving on and being happy without him. Positive attitude and change is what draws people back to you. With that said he might reach out again and don't be too easy to let him in. You want to make sure he has changed too. Follow a couple of things I've mentioned in this blog and stick to focusing on you and letting go of him one step at a time.
Last friday we had our last fight, and he broke up with me the morning after. He said that it was too much for him, that he was not cut out for this. And he added that he doesnt feel the same way as he used to, he is exhausted, he never has time to think about himself cause our communication problems and my anxiety are always in his head. He said he still loves me but that its not the same, its broken. And that he wont change his mind, even though a part of him wishes that we could work again in the future. We broke up over the phone but he invited me to his place after, and of course I came to try and reason with him. We had sex, and it was hard. But we didnt fight, and he insisted on being friends.

I got desperate yesterday and said i will change AGAIN, this time is gonna be different and blahblah. But i confessed about why i didn´t change in the relationship, i didn´t take his words seriously when he nearly broke up and that i know my faults, what i can work on and i know it was wrong that i grieved our past when i was with him, it´s not wrong to grieve, but it affected me so much that i got stuck in overthinking that instead of working on the relationship. He wrote to me today ” my feelings got a little less stronger each time you promised me change and i didn´t see any, i gave you so many chances just because i´ve never felt this way before and i really wanted to be with you, if i only saw A LITTLE change i know my feelings would be as strong as they´ve always been” So he wanted to be with me but he couldn´t stand to give any more chances.
I have refused to be in the types of relationships you mentioned where you have better to leave your boyfriend. The result is being single for almost all my life up to this day. I don’t regret losing those relationships, and none of those guys are married today. Just jumping from a relationship to another. One of them took a girlfriend only to have someone around and guess what? He decided to leave the country without informing her! On the other hand, there have been guys I tried my best to be open with. It felt good, but they didn’t… Read more »
Renee’s, we’ve had no interaction since he responded to confirm he’s dealing with some things and would explain when he could and apologized for pulling away. That was two months ago. It’s been total silence since then.I reached out to give him encouragement and let him know I’m still here for him and loved him and am very proud of the man he is. I asked if he needed more time, no reply yet. That was a week ago. Up until this stage, he’s been a truly reliable, mature, stand up guy. He’s been broken from previous relationships but with… Read more »
Skip the drama, the playing victim, the manipulation. Again, be adult. Think about you, what you can do to fix the problem. Yes, do your best to let the other person know what you need and what (s)he can concretely do to make things better, but then get to work. Buckle down and do what you can to make the situation and problem better without keeping score, tallying up martyr points, without any expectations of the other. Again, since the focus is on changing patterns, if you do your part the best you can, things will begin to change. 
Most of The Times the problem was you are driving away him.Most women doesnot know how men think and what makes them interested in you,and those who does not won’t share them either.I was also in a same stat of mind few years back.And my number one advise is that if you ended things for a reason then its better to not get back again.But if you think that was a mistake then you should understand a bit about what makes the men tick.The short answer is bad communication.Yes men a the worst communicators and there are studies that shows then spoke very few words per day than women.So the basic thing is you have to understand whats on his mind.They are embarassed to talk about their feelings.And that’s because admitting to this desire actually moves him farther away from the goal.Also you have to make them feel needed.Well its also a lot of other things too.I cannot explain them all in this comment.But in my blog journal i had written what i feel.May be they are just my ramblings but i found them true in most occasions.
You see, even though the prospect of grieving is overwhelming, your body is smart. It’s not here to let you fall into the depths of hell forever. It will help you balance out the pain with pleasure if you let it, if you grieve naturally. Remember, there is a lot to grieve in this life – even if you and I would prefer to conserve energy by blocking out the grieving process for seemingly ‘not grieve worthy’ stuff, like a man pulling away.
Our third attempt—and, you guessed it, the ensuing breakup—was kind of a glitch in the space-time continuum. It was 2009, and at this point I’d realized Mary was not an easy person to please. I coasted through the relationship, and she called me out where other girls I’d been with brushed off my repeated bad behavior. Our second breakup had reinforced the notion that no relationship comes easy and you have to put in the work, but I still sucked.
Put out the fire by focusing directly on the process, the emotions and actions. We’re beginning to argue, I’m starting to feel angry. Fix the emotion – your anger – by breathing and calming yourself down, by walking away. Do your best to stay out of the weeds of content; if you don't, you'll wind up talking about Christmas '08 again, and you know where that leads. 
I hope that women or men in the world don’t apply this article to their relationship. If someone distances themselves from you then they just don’t want to put effort into it. Therefore, it’s best to get away from that person as soon as possible. There are many others that will show 10 times the effort. Don’t fall into this social construction that, if your partner distances themselves, just act like everything is okay and force yourself to be happy with them.
After a breakup, it can be hard to move on. In fact, simply breaking up will not make the feelings you have towards your partner go away. On the contrary, quite the opposite tends to happen; your attraction to your partner becomes stronger and stronger. Thus, winning back the one you love soon becomes your primary objective. In order reclaim your joie de vivre, you feel like you need their presence, and you’re wondering if your can text your ex back into your arms…
In this article, I am going to walk you through a step by step process on why these issues may happen. I ask for you to not only read but take the time to see if any of these situations sit with you. Once you notice a situation that has occurred for you previously or currently I want you to ask yourself where this is coming from? I work with many clients and this is the most common thing woman face these days. I invite you to share your comments below and I will personally answer questions you may have and try to give you my advice tailored to the question you’ve asked. I love hearing from you so please feel free to post a comment.
3. Think adult. Adult here means being responsible with your emotions – using them as information rather than spraying them around the room. It is about being responsible in action – not harming others or misbehaving. It is about being responsible for your problems – that is, you ultimately need to deal with and fix them rather than expecting others to do it for you. It is realizing that it isn't always about you; it is not taking everything so personally; it is understanding that the other guy may be struggling inside in his or her own way. It is about being reasonable. It is… well, acting like an adult. 

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I think you’re focusing WAY too much on him and what he’s feeling. You’re focusing on the fear you have of losing him rather than focusing on your happiness. You have to ask yourself how you feel about yourself in this relationship as is. Do you feel your confidence, or do you feel insecure? No man is worth being with if you feel insecure. And if you do feel it, you have to change your dynamic and approach so you can get that confidence back. A man LOVES a confident woman, and you’ll feel better about yourself being confident, anyway. The way to get confident and attract him or any other man to you is by focusing on YOURSELF. You need to make sure you’re happy on your own before you can be happy with a man. This doesn’t mean you need to be single to get happy—just have a fulfilling life for yourself outside of a man. Don’t let him be the ONLY valuable thing or person you have in your life. You need to be excited about more in your day than your bf. You have to have other things going for you that make you happy. Once you can sustain happiness without the need of a man, you’ll have your confidence and this will be attractive to other men (and possibly your ex). The key is to not lose the focus on YOU even when you do get into a relationship or the relationship deepens. NEVER lose sight of your happiness. You need to continue having a fulfilling life outside of HIM. Once you start losing that grasp on yourself and get more caught up within the relationship, you’ll start to depend on him for your happiness—and he’ll withdraw again. Even if he withdrew for other reasons, chasing after him as if you can’t live without him will only push him away further. If he is a good man who is emotionally available and TRULY wants you, I promise he will come back. You don’t chase him, you don’t contact him. Let him contact you. Give him the chance to miss you. This can take anywhere from a couple weeks to a year or more. It’s however long it takes him to miss you, IF he truly wants you (took my guy 8 months). In the meantime, you don’t wait on him. You focus on yourself and getting your happiness and confidence. Fill your life with people and hobbies you love. Try new things you haven’t tried before. Change jobs if the one you have makes you miserable. Do what you need to do to give yourself a fulfilling life. Make sure you have your days full of plans so you don’t give yourself the chance to sit and mope about your breakup. That’s not going to help you. You need to show yourself how great life can be, even if he’s not in it. If he never reaches out, then he doesn’t truly want you—and why would you want someone who doesn’t want you as much as you want them? Don’t wait around for him. Focus on you. He will come back if he truly wants you, and you have to continue to focus on yourself even if he does. If he doesn’t come back, you’re going to be fine because you’re nurturing your happiness and confidence. PLEASE don’t lose sight of yourself, ever. It’s your golden ticket to happiness and to a great man who will love and respect you.
This part of the message serves as the test for your ex girlfriend. She can either accept your invitation to talk on the phone or decline it. If she accepts it then you can run around your house like a crazy man full of excitement. If she declines it don’t take it personally. She may be busy at that particular moment or you may not have built up enough attraction yet. It just means you have a little more work to do.
honestly I did not show appreciation to my ex while we together. I missed valentines day and his birthday. when I decided to make the best of times with him it was to late. then I asked him for closure and he came talked in person. I told what if I got therapy because there is something going on that effects my relationships. he told its been three weeks and I’m over you….. I cried of course then looked at him and said I feel better. just got sick of being sad, doesn’t mean I’m over him. but its step. then I told me what was really going on and told he’s proud of me said I’m strong person and good girl. he told me to feel free to talk to him and said he wont be jerk to me. he also wants to improve. it sucks that I was to occupied with other stuff in life that i didn’t learn to understand him but oh well. that doesn’t mean has feelings for me. sadly I cant live in world that revolves around him I must create my own world and keeping living up to my goals. this relationship may have been painful but helped realize what I need. we are blind from pain because only look at the bad qualities that it brings us but we all need realize its actually beautiful because it shapes us. I’m going to embrace it this break up..

I’ve been “hanging out” with this guy off and on for two years. Before meeting him I read books on this exact subject. I’ve been married and divorced twice so I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing if I got involved with a man again. I’m very opened about my feels I always have been. I like that about myself but in the past I’ve also been pushy wanting things to happen right away. Now with this guy I’m “hanging out” with has pulled away a lot in the 2 yrs I’ve been seeing him, but he had always come back. I think it’s because I always gave him his space. Since being married and divorced twice taking things slow was fine with me. Just recently though, I couldn’t help myself and I told him that I loved him. I thought for sure he was going to pull away, but he didn’t not right away anyways. In fact, we talked about making it exclusive. I was so happy because it’s what I had been waiting patiently for two years for. Recently, we had a two year anniversary of when we met so being the person I am I gave him a card. I said a paragraph of very heartfelt things. I knew this would definitely make him pull away from me and I was right. Even though I know when it’s going to happen it still doesn’t make it easy to deal with. I love him and I want him to know this. I want him to know that I accept him for who he is. I feel the only way I’m going to get him to trust me is by letting him have his time away from me. When he comes back he’s different, for instance, he more loving sweeter. I believe him when he says he’s happy with me. He too has been in difficult relationships in the past that broke his heart. Love isn’t meant to go fast. Love takes time. I’m glad it’s going this way even though it’s hard because I came from abusive background and it’s why my marriages ended. This guy inspires me to grow and find myself. I’ve started back to school at 43 yrs old because of his encouragement. I don’t feel I have to be someone I’m not when I’m with him. I feel safe when I’m with him. I want him to feel the same when he’s with me. I feel that’s what true love is all about. I may love him but he’s not my whole world, he’s only part of it.


Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.
Most of us are generally able to pull off being adult at work, or when we're in a good mood. Trouble happens when we're at home, when the mood is sour. It's then that we're apt to slip into feeling like a 10-year-old and get all sulky or angry or powerless. As soon as you realize you're slipping into that 10-year-old feeling (and you know when you are), it's time to remind yourself that you, regardless of how you feel right now, are a grown up, and map out in your mind what a responsible adult may do. Sure, there’s an element of “faking it till you make it,” but by doing your best to adhere to an adult stance you can gradually train yourself to feel empowered rather than frightened or small. It's a matter of catching and changing it; with practice, the catch and change will become easier, more automatic.

While it is important to not pursue your ex for a month or so, it's okay to be responsive if he or she pursues you. In other words, if you get a call, don't hang up on your ex or refuse to talk. It is not necessary to try to play mind games or play hard to get, and doing so would have the potential to push him or her further away, which is the opposite of your goal at this point.[6]


In 2012, my little brother Adam died. My life shattered, and I spent the next month drunk in bed. It had been four years since Mary and I had spoken, but it spoke volumes to me that she came out of the woodwork to send me a handwritten note expressing her sorrow for Adam’s death. Through everything—the fights, the skipped plans, the immaturity—she found it in herself to reach out to me. I was blown away, and she was back in my life. We learned that we only lived a few blocks away from each other, and that is how we started dating for the fourth and final time. Once again we started seeing each other as friends. We always met up at this one café in the Lower East Side. I’d get a coffee, and she’d get a bagel.

8 yrs and 2 kids and after every fight we have had he leaves and stays away for days to weeks.just 2 in a half weeks from today we fought and I know wat was that started the fight.i caught myself too fucking late he started changing I watched as he changed on me from 1 caring and loving he's trying bf to the imposter with the IDGAF and thinks u lying every time he asks u something attitude towards me.i was only supposed to get dropped of at the store and come back home with soda anyhow my son in laws friend was going that way and asked if I wanted a lift & that he going that way so I sedd yes my bf heard the whole conversation because he sitting beside me.he just shrugged his head and told me to hurry back ND I left with my son in laws friend ,I was wanting to go my sister's place to see her check up on her from time to time just in case she need anything. So he told me he had some business to handle not far from my sister's place and if I like he would take me to my sisters and go handle his shit it was going be fast kine he sedd so I told him shoots ND we did wat was planned take me to sisters ND he went handle his shit and wasn't fast kine either homie took almost 3 hrs before he pulling up my cup soda empty so I knew I was fucked late af for 1 and another 1 no soda and I got dropped off from the same guy I left with earlier.i went home and he sedd so wea the soda I told him sorry baby no moa me my sister and nephews drank it while waiting for my ride for pick me up.and he gave me 1 look das all I took was da look I seen um he attitude towards me change went from caring loving bf to 1 imposter with IDGAF and I lying Everytime he asks me anything attitude.after witnessing that I caught myself my actions that wasn't intentionally done to hurt him in anyway which it did hurt him I couldn't reach him he to far gone so we fought because of his macho attitude to me.and we had words with each other and like all the rest of our fights wat does he do LEAVE GRABS HIS BACKPACK N HES GONE,in that bag has everything he owns in it.he takes that bag every where with him.and he stays away no call absolutely no CONTACT with me and his children we have together I know wea he's at and all but that's besides the point u have a family at home waiting for you ND hes up at his comfort zone ain't losing sleep over his family at all.he acts as if he no moa a gf and 2 kids ND 1 house to go to.and instead staying in front of his friends property on the side of the road in his car that's wea my bf staying in his car at his friends house ND property.i always is the 1 to go to him and reconcile with him to come home then he'll come back home ND life goes on till the next fight we have he going stay away for 1 month now or longer I'm scared I really tried to keep in touch with him to apologize to him letting him know that I see my wrong and I'm owning up to it. I even wrote him a letter telling him sorry for my actions and how much I love missing him so much and how much his boys misses him to asks for him everyday and it's ok to come home so we can talk and left on his window wipers on his car.i know he got the letter from me.wat he does he ignores all my efforts of keeping in touch with him no response,he didn't even show up for our son's bday so sad that went hurt my heart.leaving me in 1 fucked and fucked up situation at the sametime tryna keep my shit together because of my children and keeping our the only thing we good rn which is our house that doesn't feel like home because now it's going onto 3 weeks in the matter of days now and he's still never come call nothing no contact at all.im scared and idk wat to do any more but I not giving up even though so badly I like just say fuck it and give up on him ND us.but I keep on fighting for him.by going to him almost like I chasing him.the moment I feel awkward I take off and I come back again another time till he wants to come home.idk why and I like to know why and how does he not worry about his family and not wanna check up on them.idk wat to do ND I not giving up but I out of options on approaching him on if he still wants me to be apart of his life I mean wtf please tell me something anything or u done 8yrs 2 kids how can u give up all dis and deahs no lady involve.he just chooses to stay away and I like know why I'm scared to go find out emotionally I not ready.plz help me I need some advice on wat kind of actions to take in my situation ND ur opinion on my problem with my bf having no contact with me N kids and chooses to stay away no contact.thank you
Another frequent error is wanting to talk constantly about the past in your messages. You have to stop focusing on your nostalgia and on what you’ve experienced together. You ex needs something else. It’s of course tempting to send a little message saying, “I miss you,” “I love you,” or “My feelings for you are still strong.” Truth be told, during this stage these types of things can damage your odds of success so refrain from sending them.
You want to end the conversation on your terms and get back to her at a later date. Remember, this is not meant to be a process where you accomplish everything you want to accomplish in a matter of hours. Rather, you accomplish it in a matter of weeks or months but trust me when I say if you are patient the strategies outlined on this page can be extremely effective.
Natalie, I have just seen your text, I am not sure how it went since December but the best to do in this case (always), I know that it`s really hard, because you can`t focus on something else but him. You have to disappear, so he will release you are not taken for granted to him. Men can say anything but they get crazy about when the women is doing the same thing or even worst :). He has too feel that he missing you, and beside that focus on your own life and on yourself, the happiness should come from yourself and not from him or any other person. Just step back and see what happens, he will be eager to be the same as before believe me ;) and success!
(Jason and Jane just went through a breakup after Jason refused to take their relationship to the next level (marriage.) Everything seemed perfect between the two of them. So perfect in fact that many of their close personal friends thought they were made for each other. Both of them were workout fanatics. Both of them loved reading and cuddling on the couch.)
Your relationship with a special guy has come and gone, but now you want him back. It's not unheard of for a couple to get back together after they've taken time away from each other, so don't give up hope. Just be sure to put plenty of thought into the reasons you broke up before attempting to get back together, as this can help you make the relationship work the second time around.
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