A couple days later he’s still acting distant and he’s being short with me over text and I’ve tried asking him to come over but he’d say he has to clean his house or that he can’t then after goes to hang out with his friends knowing I asked him earlier if he could come over. And usually he would come hang out with me since we haven’t been hanging out instead of going out with his friends. I just feel after that that this is a sign that I need to let him have his space even though we haven’t hanged out in almost a week, I really hope this works because one of my girl friends said that he’s obsessed with me and that he said that I’m the ONE. He’s even thought of wedding ideas I mean c’mon he sounds like he’s head over heals for me right? and I just don’t see him going from loving me so much to distancing himself from me and not even wanting to see each other it seems. Maybe it was something I said to him over text to make him upset? I just don’t know but I will do anything to go back to the status of what our relationship was once before this all happened.
I want you to imagine something for a moment. Lets say that you and your ex girlfriend are texting pretty frequently. The two of you are responding at a pretty good clip (meaning both of you are responding to one another.) I think in this case when she has already proven that she is responding to you in a frequent manner you don’t have to pay as much attention to neutral responses if they are in the middle of a texting conversation.
because only men pull away…all my life is full of all that “it’s not you it’s me” crap,every single time,you try to be nice,understanding,give time and offer encouragement and every time…this…i’m starting to think something is wrong with me,i am already in enough despair as it is and hearing this when i am choosing my words like before a trial or something…it is the most horrible feeling i have ever experienced,and i have been through loss,rough accidents and others…and this hurts worse than all together,the feeling of hopelessness when you pull out even your own soul to show that person everything will be alright and still…nothing.

Now, before I get started with what to text your ex, I’m going to first teach you what NOT to do, so you know, right off the bat, what you absolutely SHOULD NOT do if you want to get your ex back through texting. And let me tell you, after coaching people for 10 years, I can say that the vast majority of people DO commit these huge texting errors… and theses mistakes can sometimes decimate any chance of rekindling a relationship with an ex.
Texting your ex does pose a risk. The risk being that he rejects you or just doesn’t answer. You should always be prepared for that possibility and just be OK with it. If you won’t be able to handle things not turning out the way you want, then you aren’t ready to get back together with your ex in the first place and need to spend more time on your own working through things.
Realize when you and your partner’s plans no longer mesh. Couples that once had perfect chemistry can run into trouble when life-goals and missions collide. If one person, for example, wants to go back to grad school while the other wants to travel the world, one person might feel slighted or cheated no matter which choice you go with. If you are constantly fighting or drifting apart because you have different dreams, it may be time to pursue your goals on your own.[13]
Hi Lauren, I've been wrestling with this with family and friends and thought maybe someone else online could help.Here's my situation. I have known my fiance for over a year, we met online and have visited each other many times. I've flown over to ireland three to four times for weeks at a time and she had visited the US for six weeks to try it out in february and for the fiance visa for six weeks in July-Sept. We would talk everyday for four to five hours a night while we were apart. She is very close to her family and loves her country. She believes Ireland is the best thing since refried beans. My plan was for her to Move to the US and we could live there while she could visit ireland for two to three months every year with the future kids for summer and christmas and then we'd move to ireland for good when I retired since I'm the bread winner and my specified job is in america (I'm a petroleum Engineer). However she back peddled and said she doesn't think what we had is strong enough to leave her family. So she came up with a five year plan. When she moved to the US for five years then we have to move back to ireland and find work there. I really loved her to i agreed to the promise. Well while she was over in the US for the fiance visa she started getting really homesick. A week or so before the wedding she said she realized why she had doubts about the marriage and that was that she loved me but wasn't "in love with me" and that I should treat her more like a lover instead of a friend. But to not worry about it and we can work on it. The next night she popped the question. "If i wanted to go back to ireland in a year will you go with me?" I said no. "what about after five years to raise our kids?" I sighed and just said no. She called off the wedding and cried alot. I should have said something other than no. Like, yes that's our plan. Or we'll do what's best for our fam...
I hope this helped you understand exactly how to get back with your ex and the exact steps you have to take. Even then, there’s one more thing to remember – even for the women who have had success getting back with ex boyfriends, it can still be very difficult to keep your man… unless you know how to make him want to be with you and only you forever. You need this secret formula to get your ex back in your arms for good. It will reveal how to get him to see you as “the one” and desperately crave you by his side forever. If you don’t read this now you might miss your chance to get him back forever so don’t wait: Do You Want Your Ex Back? Use This To Get Them Back…
Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

Stop trying to get your ex back if the relationship was toxic or abusive. It might feel temporarily lonely or even boring to be on your own after the end of a tumultuous relationship, but try to ride that feeling out instead of going back to your ex. On again, off again relationships tend to be based on unhealthy patterns that won't go away. Resist the temptation to jump right back in when you know you're better off without him.
Hi Lauren- I broke up with my ex the night before he was moving out of state (not cool, I know). I needed some time to figure things out and work on myself. I want to try again. I wrote him an apology for ending things the way I did 2.5 weeks ago with no response (he also did not respond to a simple email about his mail 1 month ago). Is it still a good idea to send the "I want to try again" letter? I'm at a loss what to do. Our relationship was not bad, but he was pulling away and I didn't know what to do so I ran. He seems either angry or distant or not wanting to engage and since it has been 2 months I'm not sure how much more time I should give this. I feel like we could have something wonderful given another chance (I have the tools now but I'm not sure he is ready to try). Do I call and say it? Send a letter? Send an email? Do nothing? I am in CA and he is in MO so meeting would be hard, but I would be willing to go out there for a weekend. I really want to try but I don't know what to do... If he doesn't want to try I will accept that and move on. Carrie...
Before I can start getting into the tactics that you can use to help move the reconnection process along there are a few things I need to teach you about text messages. I entitled this section “the basics of text conversations” because I feel there is a lot you need to understand about the basics of this process before you take any major steps like text messaging your ex.
Similarly, Ive seen my brother go through something similar. He did the exact thing with his current girlfriend, he moved out for a week to retreat after a minor conflict, and she was so upset, leaving presents at the door and calling me to find out if he was ok etc. I had to tell her to stop and give him space. He came around, I didnt pressure him and didnt go into it much. But the up side is that he’s still with her now.

My partner and I have been together a little over two years but recently broke up (he broke up with me) and I want to follow all these rules, as I believe I am strong enough to do it and I absolutely want him back however we do currently live together and study at the same school. I’m living in a new town and don’t have any family or friends here so providing space is hard. What do I do???
All anyone really wants is to feel OK, and most of us don’t. When a woman worries and needs constant reassurance, it comes from feeling from “I am not OK” and the feeling beneath that is fear. What makes it so destructive is that it’s not an overwhelming, gripping fear; it’s a vague feeling of unease. It’s so quiet and subtle you may not even realize it’s there. You know how sometimes you’ll go to take a sip of water and you literally can’t stop chugging? You didn’t even realize you were thirsty, it’s only when you begin to quench the silent thirst that you realize how potent it was. That’s kind of what’s at play here.
√We’ve contacted each other only a few times since the breakup. Recently he called me after 10:00 pm to chat since I was going away to work out of town. I missed his call so i called him back about an hour& 1/2 later. He called again to wish me happy birthday Early in the a.m. I picked up and the convo was nice. He’s pulled back tho now. Deliberately I feel…or moved on… Whatever the case,I don’t know how to deal with my feelings.I want to contact him but I don’t know if I should. I’m in paint from missing him and not having the guts to tell him. I’ve gone out with one other guys since then and even worked a lot,still he stays on my mind.

After my boyfriend of one year broke up with me, I could barely speak without crying. I felt blindsided and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I could get him back and the anxiety was unbearable. I booked a call with Coach Lee, not knowing fully what to expect but knowing I needed somebody who had been there before. I wanted our relationship back and so I wanted to make sure I had all the guidance and resources possible to do that. Coach Lee was simply wonderful. His presence is calming and I could tell that he genuinely cared. The things that he suggested I do to get [my boyfriend] back seemed difficult, but Lee warned me that they might be. But I knew I wanted to get him back, so I followed the plan that Coach Lee laid out for me. Within the week, we were back together and we are so in love! I know that it doesn’t always happen that quickly, but Coach Lee said he thought that, in my case, it could happen that soon – and it did! I’m so grateful and can say that if you have been broken up with and want to get that person back, Coach Lee is the best! I’ll never forget how much he helped me!   -Anna

Talk to his friends. If you have mutual friends or if his friends would be willing to talk to you without telling your ex about it, consider asking them what they think the chances are that your ex would want to get back together with you. They are more likely than you to know if he has a new girlfriend or if he's dying to get back together with you.[5]


I don’t know what to do. I met this guy. Stayed the night with him since DAY ONE. Five and a half years. It was an extremely rough relationship. Started fighting after six months. I couldn’t forgive him for all the bad things he had done to us. Lie after lie after lie. He went away for six months best the end of our relationship and we talked on the phone every single day. When he came back home, we both said that we would do whatever it takes to make things work for good. No arguing, etc. I couldn’t let go of the past and I started arguing with him about EVERYTHING. Especially if he even looked at another woman. Things got really really bad at the end. I started treating him like crap and didn’t care how I talked to him. After we broke up we still talked almost every day. He would still come over and be with me. But, I kept messing things up. I still would start arguments because I was afraid that he was putting other women above me. He’s dating one of our co workers now. And he moved in with her too. We’ve officially been separated for six and a half months now. He officially started dating her after I snapped at him one last time back in the beginning of February. I don’t feel the same tension that I did. I don’t feel the same hate anymore. I love him so much and I want him back. I got upset with him in the beginning of March and he teared up and told me that “I wanted it to be YOU!!!” But, he’s with this new chick. And he said that it’s a new relationship. How do I get him back? I know he loves me. I know it to be true. We all three work together but rarely do I see her anymore. Please, help me. I did the no contact rule for 30 days. April 2nd, before leaving work I apologized for being so selfish during the breakup and told him that I it makes me so happy to see him happy. He sincerely said “Thank you”. After he was shocked that is. After that day, we started having more laughs at work. Then I text him something funny the other day after we got off work and he responded “lol”. I haven’t heard from him since. I’m worried that he’s too happy and comfortable in his new relationship that I won’t be able to get him back into my personal life again. What am I to do?
But process too follows patterns. You and your partner each have your own ways of dealing with tension and conflict. Your overall way of handling stress and emotions – withdrawal, anger, passive accommodation – invariably and consistently triggers the M.O. of the other person, which in turn fuels yours. Quickly you both get into a negative loop that becomes your combined standard way of dealing with conflict and tension: anger/withdraw, withdraw/withdraw, anger/anger, etc. Your goal again is to break the pattern.
Personally, I wouldn’t consider it an emergency if he’s without some of his stuff. However, if for whatever the reason he was so worried something happened to you, at some point he would ACTUALLY start looking for you, whether it’s at work or at home, in which you would find it sweet of course, but at the same time you can tell him you’re fine and just need some space.
Interpret your emotions. In the pain and confusion of a breakup, it can be easy to confuse your emotions, interpreting feelings of loneliness and hurt as evidence that you need your ex back in your life. In fact, almost everyone who experiences a breakup initially feels remorse for the lost relationship, coupled with feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness. Generally, the more serious the relationship was, the more severe these feelings tend to be; couples who are married or cohabiting tend to have the worst breakups, whereas those who were casually dating tend to have an easier time in the aftermath of a breakup.[1] But the severity of your feelings does not automatically mean that you should get back together with your ex.
You should investigate whether he is not being loving or interested, or if he’s just not doing that in the way that you expect or are used to. You may have unspoken expectations or fantasies of what a relationship should look like, and your projections are getting in the way of appreciating the good relationship you actually have. It sounds like you might have different love languages as well, where you need a lot of verbal affirmation and maybe that’s not his strong suit. That is something you can discuss with him and ask for more of. You can tell him what’s working for you and what’s not, or that you’re unsure whether he’s into you romantically despite all the evidence, and try to hear and understand where he is coming from.

Make sure you want your ex boyfriend back for the right reasons. Are you really still in love with him? If so, it might be worth trying to get him back, by showing him you still care and that you believe things will be better this time. Sometimes breaking up provides time for both people to realize that, more than anything, they just want to be together again. However, if you have any other reason for wanting your ex back, reexamine whether it's a good idea to try to rekindle the relationship.


Often we women come across much more crutical than we realize. We are so socialized to being critiqued we just take it and deal. Men cant. They cant absorb it, it just sits on them and weighs them down. Always phrase any critiques positively? Sandwich it between two affirmations of good things he does or positive qualities. State you understand him. A man will “man up” when he knows his woman believes him to be a good man.
Take responsibility for your mistakes. Avoid making excuses, blaming your partner, or dismissing the affair as “a one-time thing.” In order to ask for forgiveness and begin moving on you need to take ownership of your infidelity. By taking a good, hard look at yourself you can eventually realize what made you decide to cheat and find ways to avoid making the same mistake.[8]
Not using the right word could prove to be dangerous in a short message. This can be misinterpreted especially if your ex resents you or if you were harassing them during the breakup. Each of your words have to be well thought out; just like as if you were writing a letter. Text messages aren’t always clear; whether you text ex back or they text you! 

Wow, the anger. No wonder you may be having relationship issues. It has nothing to do with lying or hiding true feelings. It’s about letting a guy have his space. If you come after me saying how horrible I am etc. etc. I will NEVER want to see you again. Nobody likes that kind of women, and no man wants to date his mother. Also pulling away is not “bad behavior.” Would you rather he spend time with you but verbally and physically abuse you? Bad behavior is if the guy is rude and abusive and mean, etc. Pulling away is a man’s way of saying “Look, I like you a lot, but I really need some time and space to sort things out.” If you can’t accept that not everything is rosy and happy all the time, and that if the man you “love” needs to pull away and you just bark and say “you’re behaving badly,” then you have no reason to be in a relationship.
Often we women come across much more crutical than we realize. We are so socialized to being critiqued we just take it and deal. Men cant. They cant absorb it, it just sits on them and weighs them down. Always phrase any critiques positively? Sandwich it between two affirmations of good things he does or positive qualities. State you understand him. A man will “man up” when he knows his woman believes him to be a good man.
I honestly think that it’s Bill to say its natural for a man to pull away. Ladies if this is a continuing behavior, pout your foot down, thou don’t deserve to be treated like a doormat for him to wipe his get on when he feels comfortable. This way of thinking is saying that its acceptable behavior and we should coddle tnen when they decide to cone around… This is ridiculous and we’re living in a new she of sissyfied men. If I want to coddle something I’ll grab my cat. Step into this mellinium please and stop making men the victims of their selfish behaviors its sickening! Men aren’t children and shouldn’t be treated as such. If they want the relationship they’re in, if not pack sand, have a great life and good luck finding a woman who will out up with that behavior these days.
I know that what this article writes it’s true. At the same time, do I really want a person with which I have to lie about my true feelings? I am very intense, passionate, and so talk a lot about what so feel and what ai think. I feel hurt of I am not in his priorities, if he never calls me or if he says he is not sure of what he wants. Of course it would be better for the lenght of the relationship stay quiet and wait. But would I feel really fullfilled and loved just tolerating?
Last friday we had our last fight, and he broke up with me the morning after. He said that it was too much for him, that he was not cut out for this. And he added that he doesnt feel the same way as he used to, he is exhausted, he never has time to think about himself cause our communication problems and my anxiety are always in his head. He said he still loves me but that its not the same, its broken. And that he wont change his mind, even though a part of him wishes that we could work again in the future. We broke up over the phone but he invited me to his place after, and of course I came to try and reason with him. We had sex, and it was hard. But we didnt fight, and he insisted on being friends.
Some arguing is normal in a relationship. You may go through phases of fighting due to outside factors, which is also normal. The important thing is how you argue, how you deal with arguments after, how you heal together, and the way you communicate. The best way to avoid a fight getting out of control is to walk out of the room and not escalate the situation.
We went back to our place and he told me he wanted to break up with me for sure. I tried to reason with him again, to give me more time But he was sure, he had felt bad about changing his mind before apparently; after a couple hours of heated conversation, of me trying to convince him, he even told me he didn’t love me anymore ( which I’m not sure about, was he saying that so that i let go?). I gave in and we took my flight ticket back home. We spent the day after together, it was awesome and incredibly sad. I didn’t want to believe I was letting go of a life I wanted so much. He was so sad too, it felt like he was hurting a lot too.

Though it can be difficult to ask a man what he is looking for, it also challenges you to get one step closer to your goal. The more comfortable you are with this the easier it will become. I know that some people may not always take my advice to challenge themselves and ask the man what he is looking for, so I want to give you some other clues on what to pay attention to if you don’t want to have this conversation with him. Side note, I am in no way I offering you a pass to wiggle out of the conversation! Remember, challenge yourself.

Understanding that you do not need a man in order to be the best version of yourself is crucial. Loving yourself and doing exactly what makes you happy is key, which means that you need to know how to be happy alone. When you have this type of mentality, you will be able to spot red flags instantly and become more admirable. If a man wants to be with you, he will make it known throughout the relationship. He will make it known in healthy ways of properly courting you. He’s not going to send you the late night 11 pm or 1 am text for you to come over and “watch a movie.”
Determine why the relationship is in trouble. All relationships go through rough patches at one point or another. As the novelty of your first few months together wears off, problems and stress start to pile up and things you once found cute begin to annoy you to no end. While there are always small issues in a relationship, some issues can cause problems when they linger under the surface for too long:

honestly I did not show appreciation to my ex while we together. I missed valentines day and his birthday. when I decided to make the best of times with him it was to late. then I asked him for closure and he came talked in person. I told what if I got therapy because there is something going on that effects my relationships. he told its been three weeks and I’m over you….. I cried of course then looked at him and said I feel better. just got sick of being sad, doesn’t mean I’m over him. but its step. then I told me what was really going on and told he’s proud of me said I’m strong person and good girl. he told me to feel free to talk to him and said he wont be jerk to me. he also wants to improve. it sucks that I was to occupied with other stuff in life that i didn’t learn to understand him but oh well. that doesn’t mean has feelings for me. sadly I cant live in world that revolves around him I must create my own world and keeping living up to my goals. this relationship may have been painful but helped realize what I need. we are blind from pain because only look at the bad qualities that it brings us but we all need realize its actually beautiful because it shapes us. I’m going to embrace it this break up..
I’ve been “hanging out” with this guy off and on for two years. Before meeting him I read books on this exact subject. I’ve been married and divorced twice so I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing if I got involved with a man again. I’m very opened about my feels I always have been. I like that about myself but in the past I’ve also been pushy wanting things to happen right away. Now with this guy I’m “hanging out” with has pulled away a lot in the 2 yrs I’ve been seeing him, but he had always come back. I think it’s because I always gave him his space. Since being married and divorced twice taking things slow was fine with me. Just recently though, I couldn’t help myself and I told him that I loved him. I thought for sure he was going to pull away, but he didn’t not right away anyways. In fact, we talked about making it exclusive. I was so happy because it’s what I had been waiting patiently for two years for. Recently, we had a two year anniversary of when we met so being the person I am I gave him a card. I said a paragraph of very heartfelt things. I knew this would definitely make him pull away from me and I was right. Even though I know when it’s going to happen it still doesn’t make it easy to deal with. I love him and I want him to know this. I want him to know that I accept him for who he is. I feel the only way I’m going to get him to trust me is by letting him have his time away from me. When he comes back he’s different, for instance, he more loving sweeter. I believe him when he says he’s happy with me. He too has been in difficult relationships in the past that broke his heart. Love isn’t meant to go fast. Love takes time. I’m glad it’s going this way even though it’s hard because I came from abusive background and it’s why my marriages ended. This guy inspires me to grow and find myself. I’ve started back to school at 43 yrs old because of his encouragement. I don’t feel I have to be someone I’m not when I’m with him. I feel safe when I’m with him. I want him to feel the same when he’s with me. I feel that’s what true love is all about. I may love him but he’s not my whole world, he’s only part of it.
This is absolutely no excuse for you to be cheated on. Your independence is important and if he wanted the attention he should have spoken to you about this before he cheated instead of cheating and then placing blame on you. This is narcissistic behavior and I encourage you to stay strong. If you need further help you can reach out to me for a private coaching session here so I can guide you towards working through this. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. He said he craves for independence and he he still loves me but that’s just what’s right to do. He pushed me away whenever I try to get close or hug or lean my head against his back. I really love him and I want to get him back but we are flatmates, we live together and I don’t know how to do the no contact? And I’ve gone home for a few days and I didn’t tell him where I was going. I’ll be going back in a few days and I’ll be seeing him again. What should I tell him if he asks me where I went? I don’t want to look like a loser grieving so much for our relationship. And I really want to get him back.

Try not to jump right into another relationship straight away in a bid to make your ex jealous. I’m not saying ‘’don’t focus on yourself’’ but this is not the way to go about things as it only gives a negative message to your ex which may backfire if they do the same thing. so, what can you do to focus on yourself? You can start from appearance (new haircut, new clothes, get down to the gym, eat healthier, etc) keeping a good attitude and staying open-minded. Upgrade yourself with your outer appearance and inner attitude. Be the best version that you can be of yourself. If you’re really wanting to move on, then maybe you want to check out The Best Chat Up Lines to use on girls.
It’s tough for someone to nail down to source of feeling not OK, but they unconsciously latch onto things that will get rid of this feeling, usually through reassurance or trying to make situations come about that they feel will make them happy and finally grant them relief. This inevitably impacts your vibe, you become a parasite of sorts and everyone you come into contact with is simply a means to an end.
My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago. He won't answer my calls or texts and blocked me on Facebook. I am trying so hard to stop contacting him via text but it's hard because we talked everyday for six months. I cry and miss him terribly and he won't talk to me. I am trying to hard to do the 30 day no contact rule. my email is girl8eliza@hotmail.com
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